Drew Boswell

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Career Sabotage: Fear of Success

images1Paulo Coelho in the introduction of The Alchemist discusses four ways that people “fail to confront their dream”[1] (or one’s personal calling). The first way is that people are told from childhood that what they are seeking to do is impossible for them. People often do not try because there is a voice in their head that says, “you can’t do it.” It may be an echo from childhood, or the way they speak to themselves where they say, “stupid, ugly, fat, and who do you think you are?”

The second reason is love – we have those in our lives that are resistant to us leaving them behind in order to pursue the dream. Coelho says, “We do not realize that those that genuinely wish us well want us to be happy and are prepared to accompany us on that journey.” There will be times when a person may want to grow and those around them are not ready for them to change. They fear that they won’t be loved anymore, or that when they depart for this new journey that they will not return (either in the physical or in the way we grow as people).

There may also be financial obligations where support for a family or spouse and this commitment may outweigh one’s personal desire for exploration. It may just have to wait to a more opportune time.

Third is the fear of defeat. We cease trying to fight for our dream and stop reaching for it because we believe that we will fail. Similar to number one but different in that we may set out on this new journey but are willing to take set backs as a way to quit. We say to ourselves, “well, I tried.” If you don’t really try, then you don’t really fail.

Then the fourth way that we fail to confront our dreams is that we fear that we will actually achieve it. Coelho quotes Oscar Wilde where he said, “Each man kills the thing he loves.” We ask ourselves, “what if I am actually successful.” There is a scene in the book where the protagonist is working for a merchant who sells crystal. In their discussions it is discovered that the boy is on a journey toward his life’s calling and the merchant has always wanted to go to Mecca as an act of worship.

The protagonist, by working for the merchant, has brought renewed business and success to the shop owner. Before this newfound success the storeowner has always been able to say that he could not afford to travel, or could not leave the shop, etc. But now he has the ability to go to Mecca but has come to realize that he really doesn’t want to have the success.

The boy didn’t know what to say. The old man continued, “You have been a real blessing to me. Today, I understand something I didn’t see before: every blessing ignored becomes a curse. I don’t want anything else in life. But you are forcing me to look at wealth and at horizons I have never known. Now that I see them, and now that I see how immense the possibilities are, I’m going to feel worse that I did before you arrived. Because I know the things I should accomplish, and I don’t want to do so.”[2]

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Fear of Success

Unknown“I have known a lot of people who, when their personal calling was within their grasp, went on to commit a series of stupid mistakes and never reached their goal when it was only a step away.”

— The Alchemist

There are things that I have seen leaders do, and I myself have done, that when “success” is within grasp or is appearing on the horizon have done things or made decisions that have sabotaged that success (consciously or subconsciously).

Why would a person do things that would sabotage their own success?

  1. Fear of Leadership. They don’t like the idea of moving from the crowd to standing alone as the leader. It may mean having more resources, money, power, etc. than those around them, so they take actions that will keep them on the same level as their friends, workmates, family members, etc.

The idea of leaving home or moving away from loved ones in order to make our next career move may seem scary so they are unwilling to take the steps required to move forward.

  1. Not Feeling Worthy of Success. Some struggle with the idea of seeing themselves as successful. They may say they want this, but just can’t see it in their mind’s eye – because their self-image won’t let them. It may be a form of self-punishment where they keep themselves from success in order to punish themselves because of previous sins.
  1. Fear of Change. Success brings changes in life. But you can never predict how these changes will affect your life, so you decide that it is better to stay with what you know instead of advancing toward what you don’t .
  1. Fear of Embarrassment. If you never try to climb the mountain, then you will never have to deal with the embarrassment of only getting half-way up the mountain. If you don’t try, then you won’t fail. There are many very talented people who because they fear they will be embarrassed never step on the stage and try.
  1. Feeling Trapped. There are those in positions of responsibility that feel trapped and because of emotional immaturity don’t know how to get out. They don’t want others to look to them as a leader. They do not want to carry the weight of leadership, so they sabotage their position so they can just “be normal.”

Often times these individuals don’t know how to get out from under this weight in a healthy manner so they do something destructive (an affair, embezzlement, hurt themselves, etc.) in an effort to cut themselves off from this feeling of being suffocated.

  1. Loving the Journey. If you actually achieve the goal, cross the finish line, make the sell, etc. (choose your best metaphor) then the journey is over – you are now successful in your life. As long as you were seeking the goal then you know where the path leads and what is involved on the journey. There are some people who become bored once they have what they want.

There must always be a mountain to climb. As long as they are preparing to climb, or are on the side of the mountain then they are happy. They love the journey – and may even sabotage the achievement (or at least delay it) because, for them, the climb is why they are doing it; the end result is really not important to them.

Whatever the reason may be for intentionally or unintentionally wrecking one’s career, it is worth the time to sit down and ask “where am I going?” “What are my immediate life goals?” (And) “Am I doing something consciously or subconsciously to keep those goals from happening?”

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[1] Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist (New York, New York; Harper Collins, 1993) v-vi.

[2] Ibid. 58.

[3] Click here to see a video with comedian Dave Chappell who at the pentacle of success left his business and went to Africa. He admits on this video that the success scared him. I am not judging Mr. Chappell, I only think the video adds to the discussion on this topic.

[4]Seth Godin and his discussion of the Lizard Brain. We sabotage our success because of our survival instincts drive us to be safe.

Seth Godin: Quieting the Lizard Brain from 99U on Vimeo.

Pastors and Numbers — What Makes a Christian Leader a “Success?”

Preachers and “Numbers” have had a long sordid history. There are those who when they first discover that you are a “minister” or “pastor” they immediately ask, “so how many are you running?” (i.e. how many do you have in attendance on a typical Sunday morning). In their minds they are evaluating your worth, your faithfulness, your talent, everything about you by the number that comes out of your mouth to answer their question.

Ask yourself, “Who is invited to preach at seminary campuses, various seminars, or large churches?” Is it not those who have experienced explosive growth, those that pastor large churches, or have released a book or some resource that has sold a bizillion of copies? These people are “successful” and if you are to be “successful” in ministry then you should emulate them. At pastor’s lunches or gatherings, when we are all alone with our own, we look over the group and measure our worth and judge our order amongst ourselves. We are a cruel and heartless bunch, we pastors.

Over the years, when my church or ministry was growing I felt successful, and when it decreased I would feel like a failure. I would pour in the hours, sacrifice financially, and try to do whatever it took to change things. The rise and fall of churches is crushing and exhausting to leaders. Leaders and pastors typically don’t know how to balance their feelings of success or failure with the circumstances around them. They struggle with depression because of the events that transpire around them.

On the other side of the discussion are those who for various reasons don’t grow, don’t attract very many, or don’t do much to reach people for Christ. These are the people who say, “it’s not about numbers, it’s about being biblical.” As if “being biblical” is a reason to not change how they operate or think in order to reach out and see people won for Christ. They use this straw man argument to do little for the Lord, to remain inside of a cocoon away from “worldy” people and their influence upon their family.

Everything the Christian does is to be done for the glory of the Lord, but in order to give Him glory we must be obedient. If we are to be obedient and to be a follower of Christ, then we must do what He did. We are commanded to “go and make disciples.” Therefore, growth, new spiritual birth, disciple making, reaching out, etc. . . are important if not required to be true to Christ.

Our value is not based on what we do, but on whose we are. Our privilege and honor is that we get to be apart of the plan of redemption of mankind.  If we are to be apart of His work, there is eternal value in every act. But even as I write these words I am thinking, “that’s what people who don’t see growth, or whose work isn’t seeing any disciples being made say.” That’s what losers say.

We are not called to be “successful” we are called to be “faithful.” But how do you balance what you know Scripture says with what the world (especially the church) says is the measure of success?

There are times when God does a mighty work amongst us, or even with us, and we feel awesome, only to shortly thereafter face a difficulty and find ourselves an emotional mess.  There is a great example of this roller coaster of emotion in 1 Kings 19.

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Elijah and the Broom Tree

So How Should I Deal With the Roller Coaster of Ministry Emotions?

I.   Ask “Why Am I Running Away?” (vv. 1-9a)

1 Now Ahab told Jezebel everything Elijah had done and how he had killed all the prophets with the sword. 2 So Jezebel sent a messenger to Elijah to say, “May the gods deal with me, be it ever so severely, if by this time tomorrow I do not make your life like that of one of them.” 3 Elijah was afraid and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, 4 while he himself went a day’s journey into the desert. He came to a broom tree, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, LORD,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.” 5 Then he lay down under the tree and fell asleep. All at once an angel touched him and said, “Get up and eat.” 6 He looked around, and there by his head was a cake of bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again. 7 The angel of the LORD came back a second time and touched him and said, “Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.” 8 So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God. 9 There he went into a cave and spent the night.

When we look at Elijah in this passage we find him wanting to sleep, hide, get away, and die.  He fears for his life, he has had enough.  But how did Elijah get to this point? He had not eaten,  his focus has changed from eternal to temporal,  he was physically exhausted,  he was alone (he left his servant behind),  he was being introspective and self-pitting (“I am no better than my ancestors”), he is living and running in fear.

How does God respond? He sent him someone (something) to take care of his needs.  Elijah needed to eat, so an angel prepared a meal and encouraged him to eat (twice).  God gave Elijah what he needed to continue, God gave Elijah what he needed to get up, shake of the dust and walk on.  God provided for Elijah in a way similar to his past.   Ravens miraculously fed him when he was by the stream; here an angel miraculously feeds him in the desert.  The Lord ministers to him now, just as he did in the past.  God will provide for you, and give you what you need to make it in ministry.

God also recognizes that “the journey is too much for you.”  Notice that God does not say, “The journey was too much for you.” Elijah has more work to do; his work would go on and on, and on.

Because God gave the apostle Paul great visions, and used him in such a special way, he gave Paul what is described as a “thorn in the flesh” and when Paul asks God to take it away, 2 Corinthians 12:9 “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” God knows that the journey is too much for us to handle alone, so he gives us his grace, and it is sufficient.

II.        Stop Running and Watch (vv. 9b-13)

And the word of the LORD came to him: “What are you doing here, Elijah?” 10 He replied, “I have been very zealous for the LORD God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, broken down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too.” 11 The LORD said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by.” Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. 12 After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. 13 When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. 

Then God speaks to Elijah.  He asks him a question, “What are you doing here?”  God did not tell Elijah to run away.  Elijah has just called down fire from heaven, he has slain 450 prophets of Baal.   The people had cried out, “The LORD – he is God!”  He won the battle single handedly – he won the day. What happened? I believe that Elijah as he stood on Mt. Carmel and saw the fire fall, in his mind thought that that was it – Baalism was beaten, it was over.  After all these years of ministry the war was finally over. He could rest, go home, be at peace.

But now Jezebel is coming after him.  Another battle, another enemy, another battle, another enemy, another day, on and on, and on – the battle never ends, there is no apparent end to Elijah’s fighting. Sometimes when we are on those spiritual mountains we expect to stay there – but ministry has ebb and flow, ups and downs, years of plenty and years of famine. Families still fall apart, children still go wayward, cancer still rips people apart, death still robs families of loved ones, on and on the battle goes.

God asks Elijah, “What are you doing here?”  Elijah responds by saying, “Lord don’t you see what’s going on here – I have lost!”  The people reject your word, they don’t worship you, they kill your prophets, and now I’m the only one left. They won’t listen, they won’t change!” – I have failed.  God responds to Elijah by saying, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by.”  God has proven to be God to the people of Israel, and He has proven that he is God to the prophets of Baal – but here he has to show that He is God to His own prophet. Sometimes we think it’s all about us, and what we can do, what we can see, what we understand, what we know, etc.… It is not about what we can do – It’s all about the God that we serve.  The God we serve spoke and worlds came into existence, at His word the ground became flesh, at his breath Adam breathed his first breath.  It is in his thoughts that all the created order is held together.

He knows how many hairs are on your head, and he knows the darkest part of your heart.  His knowledge is eternal, He has always existed in eternal past, He lives today, and will live forever more.  God alone bore the weight of the cross, He alone loves with a love that endures forever.  When this God passes by our lives – everything changes.

The God we serve leads us out of slavery, pays our ransom and redeems us.  He alone can break the chains of sin.  The Creator controls His creation.  “Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. 12 After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire.

 

God controls the wind, the earth, the fire – he is not in these things, He is above them.  Can Jezebel cause earthquakes, knock down mountains with a wind? Can she consume with fire?  No – But the God whom she will have to an account can.  Who is more powerful, God or Jezebel?

It says that God was not in the wind, the earthquake, or the fire – God performed even more mighty miracles before Elijah, but God was not in the miracles. He “came in a gentle whisper.” It was God’s gentle whisper into Elijah’s heart that ministered to him, not the powerful displays.  God does not always use the miraculous to deliver him from his problems.  God could wipe out all enemies before Him, but he may also use as whisper into the heart of his servant to show His power.  In this moment of crisis in Elijah’s life – it is only the word of the Lord that allows him to mend and regain strength.

What we may really need is not for a mountain to be moved, we may just need to hear the whisper of the Lord saying, “my precious child, I love you, I know what you are going through, and I’ve got your back. Now keep going.”   “But don’t you see my marriage, my child, my life – I’ve got it, I’m strong enough to handle it.”

We want to move from miracle to miracle, from mountaintop to mountaintop until we become miracle junkies.  If we go to a worship service, we want to fire to fall, and the praise band to rock, and the preacher to sweat – we want it loud, and we say, “make me feel something, let me see God do something.”  But God says, no I want you to listen, (softer) I want you to listen, let me just talk to your heart.  I want you to lean in and listen and know that I am God.

III.       Stop Watching and Run Again for God (vv. 13b-18)

Then a voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” 14 He replied, “I have been very zealous for the LORD God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, broken down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too.” 15 The LORD said to him, “Go back the way you came, and go to the Desert of Damascus. When you get there, anoint Hazael king over Aram. 16 Also, anoint Jehu son of Nimshi king over Israel, and anoint Elisha son of Shaphat from Abel Meholah to succeed you as prophet. 17 Jehu will put to death any who escape the sword of Hazael, and Elisha will put to death any who escape the sword of Jehu. 18 Yet I reserve seven thousand in Israel—all whose knees have not bowed down to Baal and all whose mouths have not kissed him.”

God asks Elijah the same question, and Elijah gives the same response.  Perhaps his thinking is that because he is in a cave, maybe God didn’t hear him.  God’s display and passing by his life doesn’t seem to change Elijah’s view of his life situation.  God gives a different response – “Go”  (do your job). He gives him a specific task.

Anoint men of God – spread the load, it’s not all about you.  It’s not all about you being faithful, it’s not all about just you doing ministry, I have a plan that is far larger than you.

“But I’m Elijah” – it will only be successful if I do it.  No, God is bigger than you, and he has a lot more going on than just you.

Anoint a successor – God wants Elijah to take another man who has been called out and invest in his future.  In Elijah’s life time there will be no “death blow” to evil, the fight will continue on.  So he must have someone who has been prepared to take his place when he dies.

There are 7,000 who have been faithful. – In other words, you don’t know everything.  Elijah says, “I’m the only one, I’m the last one left.”  God says, “oh really, you who know everything – did you know about the 7,000 others?”  “Elijah, just because you can’t see other faithful believers, doesn’t mean that they aren’t there.”  Man or woman of God just because you can’t see all the pieces to life’s puzzle, doesn’t mean they don’t exist. You only know today’s chapter, but only God knows what the next chapter of your life holds. It may be high tide, it may be low tide – but God expects us to remain faithful and to keep going.

One of the ways that God brings our spirits up is to push us to continue to “go.”  Go into the future with the foundation of what God has done in the past. God has fed him the past and has fed him now.  God has spoken to him in the past, and now has spoken to him now – the fact that he asks him the same question may be that God is asking him what he desires to do in the future.

The situation stays the same.  The evilness against him and all around him stays the same.  And the God whom he served has always remained the same – it is Elijah’s view of his God that needs to change.  It is only how he perceives God that will bring him out of the pit of depression.  

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 What Does Success Mean for You?  

Numbers are valuable because they represent people, but our value is not based on these numbers.  God is the one at work, He is the one doing the work – we are simply blessed to be along for the ride. Some men of God are used in crystal cathedrals, others only see a handful won for the Lord in a secret place in a dark and oppressive foreign land. Both men are of equal value. Their assignments are different, but their Lord and faithfulness is the same.

 

 

 

What Can Sesame Street and Mr. Rogers Teach Us?

Have you ever wondered why Sesame Street has lasted so long as a top children’s television show? There is a Sesame Street clothing line, Sesame Street toys, computer games, and many other recognizable Sesame Street icons all throughout American culture.

Another famous and long lasting children’s television show was Mr. Roger’s neighborhood. Whereas Sesame Street is loud, past paced, and introduces new technology as it is developed, Mr. Roger’s neighborhood changed very little over the years proceeding Fred Roger’s death. Mr. Roger’s neighborhood used the same hand puppets that were first used when the show began. The show followed the same flow over the years, with the famous changing of the shoes and sweater, to the trolley going to the magical world of the neighborhood of Make-believe. It was slow and often a monotone monologue with Mr. Rogers. Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood did not have the marketing arm as Sesame Street had yet there it was day after day for children and their families.

I believe that it was not flash, technology, or marketing that made these shows a success. Instead it was the laser focus on their purpose and goal of the two shows. For Sesame Street, their goal is to teach children the letters of the alphabet, and for the children to be able to count to twenty. (That’s it) They sought to appeal to the mind. Mr. Roger’s sought to appeal to the heart. He sought to show and tell children that he loved them, they are of great value, and that he wanted them to become apart of his world. He wanted to give them a world where things were quiet, predictable, and slow paced. And children loved him for it; they wanted “to be his neighbor.”

In comparison to the previous successful children’s organizations would be the decline and seeming failure of the U.S. government’s Head Start program.[1] From its inception in the 1960s, the founders conceived of Head Start as much more than an educational program. The health, nutrition, motivation, and self-confidence of poor children were deemed to be at least as important to their future well-being as their academic learning. Another feature present from the beginning was Head Start’s rule that parents be involved in running each local program. A rationale for that principle: building parent’s self-esteem would help develop their children’s.

In short, Head Start has not been primarily an academic program.[2] Instead of staying focused on teaching academic facts, they allowed this one admirable goal to be encroached by other goals and objectives. By allowing themselves to become sidetracked they are not reaching their ultimate and most important objective, the children’s ability to be successful in future educational excellence. Head Start believes that by helping children get a solid educational foundation, when they are young, they will be far more likely to do well in later schooling. However, instead of giving them the essential academic information needed, they have become side tracked with issues like self-esteem and nutrition.

If we are to make it over the long run, we must not allow ourselves to become sidetracked from our ultimate purpose as a church. Matthew 28:19-20 tells us the Great Commission of the church, “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age. (NIV)” This is God’s instruction for what the church is to be doing. Every action taken by the church should be compared with this passage as the standard.

[1] Head Start is a Federal program for preschool children from low-income families. The Head Start program is operated by local non-profit organizations in almost every county in the country. Children who attend Head Start participate in a variety of educational activities. They also receive free medical and dental care, have healthy meals and snacks, and enjoy playing indoors and outdoors in a safe setting.
[2] E.D. Hirsch. The Schools We Need (New York, New York: Doubleday), 46.

"Your greatest life messages and your most effective ministry will come out of your deepest hurts." Rick Warren

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