“The Hand That Rocks the Cradle”
Ephesians 6:1-4
Introduction
When God originally called the Israelites to be His chosen people, His desire for them was to be a people through whom “all the families of the earth shall be blessed” (Gen. 12:3). When Moses was on Mt. Sinai God commissioned them to be a “kingdom of priests and a holy nation” (Ex. 19:6).
They were to be a witness to the world of all that God had done for them. But instead, the people did not follow God’s ways and they did what they thought best (Numbers 13 &14). The Christian family is to be a witness to the non-Christian world of the joy, harmony, and love that comes from following God’s Word. When a community has children who honor and obey their parents there is order and stability. The problem is that many families are not seeking to follow God’s way. The first step in a society of order and stability is for parents to pass the truth of Scripture on to their children.
Deuteronomy 6:1-8
“Now this is the commandment—the statutes and the rules—that the Lord your God commanded me to teach you, that you may do them in the land to which you are going over, to possess it, 2 that you may fear the Lord your God, you and your son and your son’s son, by keeping all his statutes and his commandments, which I command you, all the days of your life, and that your days may be long. 3 Hear therefore, O Israel, and be careful to do them, that it may go well with you, and that you may multiply greatly, as the Lord, the God of your fathers, has promised you, in a land flowing with milk and honey. 4 “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. 5 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. 6 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. (Parents were to continually speak and teach about the things of God.) 8 You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. 9 You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” (When the parent was not present the home was covered with Scripture, to remind the children.)
Today we are celebrating Mother’s Day. For the godly mother the best honor that could be bestowed upon her is where her child follows the ways of the Lord. Some questions to think about are “How can we honor our mother’s, and how does a woman be a godly mother?” What is the Bible’s teaching on how a child will learn to follow the ways of God?
Directions For Children (Ephesians 6:1-2)
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise),
Children (tekna) refers to all children (even adults) not just to small children. Those children who have not yet married and are still at home are to honor and obey. There is a change in the child/parent relationship when a child marries. (Genesis 2:24; Ephesians 5:31) Earlier in Eph. Wives are to submit to their husbands, but here children are to obey – it is a stronger word meaning, immediate, absolute obedience.
“Obey” has to do with action, and “honor” has do with attitude.
Example: Little Johnny is told to take out the trash.
“Obey” literally means “to hear under,” listen to what is said and then do it. Children are to listen to what the parents say and then do it. What if they don’t listen? Then the parents must perform an action that will ensure that he will.
“In the Lord” Children are to obey their parents as if they are doing it for the Lord, “it describes the quality of the obedience.”[1] It is important for children to understand that God is over their parents (meaning that they will follow God’s Word) and then the parents are over them (meaning they will follow what they say). When disciplining children, parents can explain that it is both them and God that wants them to obey and honor them. To obey their parents is to obey the Lord, so to disobey their parents is to disobey the Lord. It is also part of the discipleship of the child – parents are teaching them how to follow God, by teaching them to honor and obey their parents.
Parents are therefore shepherds of children on God’s behalf. Parents must know that it is in the child’s best interest to obey and honor them. It is the parent’s responsibility to shepherd them from one point to another. To see that they ultimately reach the destination God has planned for them.
Children learn how to be obedient to God through their relationship with their parents. Have you ever met a child where their parents do not require them to be obedient and honor them? They don’t obey or honor anyone else either. They rebel against authority.
James Dobson says “Developing respect for parents is the critical factor in child management. It is imperative that a child learns to respect his parents – not to satisfy their egos, but because his relationship with them provides the basis for his later attitude toward all other people. His early view of parental authority becomes the cornerstone of his future outlook on school authority, law enforcement officers, employers, and others with whom he will eventually live and work.”[2]
The most important lesson for the child to learn in this period is that He is an individual under authority. She has been made by God and has a responsibility to obey God in all things.[3]
So while obeying is a matter of action, honoring is a matter of the heart. It involves a relationship. Think of this disciplining as a circle of protection. Within that circle is blessing and long life. As soon as the child steps out of that circle of safety, he needs to be rescued from danger of stubborn independence from your authority.[4]
The reason that they are to obey and honor is because it is right. Everything that God commands is right or correct, just, righteous. It is a command from God that children are to obey their parents. This command is not just for the children, it just as much a command for the parents.
When God introduced the law in the form of the ten commandments, the first commandment having to do with relations to others (verses relations with God) was “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.” (Ex. 20:12 – the 5th commandment).[5] A child can have no better inheritance than the godly teaching, examples, and correction of their parents.
2 Tim. 1:5-7 “I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well. 6 For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands, 7 for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” Timothy had a Christian family and his mother and grandmother played a major role in his becoming a Christian.
3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”
The result for the child who is obedient and honors his parents is twofold.
- “that it may go well with you” relates to the quality of life.
- “that you may enjoy long life on the earth” relates to the quantity of life promised.[6]
If the child is outside of this safety of God’s teaching then the child must be corrected back into this circle. They leave the circle through disobedience and dishonor.
Directions For Parents (v. 4)
4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
By Roman law of patria potestas a father had virtual life and death power not only over his slaves but over his entire household. He could cast any of them out of the house, sell them into slavery, or even kill them – and be accountable to no one.[7] As an example of this, a newborn was placed at his father’s feet to determine his fate. If the father picked it up, the child was allowed to stay in the household. If the father walked away, the child was disposed of (exposed).
So today in many ways the father has great power to determine what happens to the child when they are older. Though pateres (fathers) usually refers to male parents, it was sometimes used of parents in general. But because the father is to be the head of the family (see Eph. 5:22), it is more than likely that he would be the one to provoke the child.
“To provoke . . . to anger” suggests a repeated, ongoing pattern of treatment that gradually builds up a deep-seated anger and resentment that boils over in outward hostility.[8] It is behavior that parents (specifically fathers) do that disrupts the relationship between father and child, thereby making it harder for the child to honor and obey.
Such treatment is usually not intended to provoke . . . anger. What then can a parent do to “provoke their children to anger?”
- Showing favoritism to one child over another. (Joseph and his brothers) “Now Israel loved Joseph more than any other of his sons, because he was the son of his old age. And he made him a robe of many colors.1 4 But when his brothers saw that their father loved him more than all his brothers, they hated him and could not speak peacefully to him.” (Genesis 37:3)
- Smothering the child with overprotection or showing no affection for the child. (Jacob and Esau) “Isaac loved Esau because he ate of his game, but Rebekah loved Jacob.” (Genesis 25:28)
- Having no rules (or not making them follow them) or having too many (to where the spirit of the child is crushed). The rape of David’s daughter by her half-brother. David is furious but does nothing. The sister’s full brother Absalom goes on to kill the half-brother Amnon, and again David does nothing. (2 Samuel 13:21)
- Pushing children to achieve to where there is nothing the child can do to be good enough, or never expecting the child to achieve anything.
- Not allowing a child to communicate or not caring when he does.
Paul is “ruling out excessively severe discipline, unreasonably harsh demands, abuse of authority, arbitrariness, unfairness, constant nagging and condemnation, subjecting a child to humiliation, and all forms of gross insensitivity to a child’s needs and sensibilities.”[9] Colossians 3:21 helps us understand why the father should not provoke to anger, “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.”
“but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” (v. 4 b)
“discipline” refers to the overall systematic training of children. It carries with it the idea of correction of wrongdoing, as seen in the proverb, “Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.” (Prov. 13:24).
(Nouthesia) “Instruction” is literally a “putting in mind” and also includes the connotation of correction. It refers to the type of instruction found in the book of Proverbs, where the primary focus is on training and teaching of children. It deals with principles of behavior, more than factual information. It deals with applying Scriptural principles to the child’s life verses “what is the capital of Arizona?”
The key to right discipline and instruction of children is its being of the Lord. Everything parents do for their children is to be of Him – according to the teaching of His Word. “Ultimately, the concern of parents is not simply that their sons and daughters will be obedient to their authority, but that through this godly training and admonition their children will come to know and obey the Lord himself.”[10]
This morning are you “in the Lord?” Just as children are to follow their parents as if they are following the Lord. Parents are to teach them the things of the Lord by being in the Lord. But you cannot do this if you don’t know the Lord, if you do not know His Scriptures, or are not living the Christian life as taught by the Bible.
Most parents want their children to succeed at life, but they think that it is by playing the right sports, by attending the right school or college, by never ending extra-curricular activities. This is not what the Bible teaches.
Scripture teaches that children succeed when their parents are living a godly life (example), when through this example they teach their children the ways of God (wisdom) and correct them when they get off this path.
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[1] SDF Salmond, The Expositor’s Greek Testament, The Epistle to the Ephesians (Grand Rapids, Michigan; WM Eerdmans Publishing Company, 1967) 375.
[2] James Dobson, The New Dare To Discipline, p. 18
[3] Ted Tripp, Shepherding a Child’s Heart, p. 133
[4] Ted Tripp, Shepherding a Child’s Heart, p. 148
[5] The fifth commandment acts as a hinge between how we relate to God (the first four commandments) and how we relate to other people (the last six commandments). But it is how we treat our parents that directly correlates determines the quality and quantity of one’s life.
[6] John MacArthur, Ephesians Commentary, p. 315
[7]Ibid, p. 315
[8] Ibid. p. 317
[9] Peter T. O’Brien, The Pillar New Testament Commentary, The Letter to the Ephesians (Grand Rapids, Michigan; William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 1999) 446.
[10] O’Brien, 446.
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