Drew Boswell

a place for us to share ideas, talk about life, and learn together.

Balancing Family and Ministry

Joshua at Jump'n Jacks in Valdosta, GA 5-5-2012

This is my son Joshua. We named him and his twin brother Caleb after the biblical characters in Numbers 13. Only Joshua and Caleb believed that God would be with His people and to help them do what God had called them to do (i.e. the conquer the Promised Land). My guys were born six weeks premature and were in a NICU unit for an extended period of time. We would visit them every day and there were times when I was greatly concerned for them. In the biblical account “they were like grasshoppers among giants.” And in many ways my sons have been playing “catch up” their whole lives.  They were small in their early grades, small on their Upward teams, but in spite of everything they are doing great. We want them to be leaders who even though the world around them does not follow God, they will be bold and stand for what is right.

As a pastor, I sometimes find myself out of balance. God in His grace and mercy, through the guidance of the Holy Spirit taps me on the shoulder and reminds me that I have a family, a wife, children.  Balancing individual time with each child, time with my wife, outings as a family, even dinner in the evenings becomes a challenge. Calendars have to be mapped out, vacations planned, ball games juggled, or just time guarded to be at home. When dads get out of balance and don’t listen to God, it is their families that pay the price. I recognize that our (Kimberly and myself) desire for our children to be spiritual giants is in jeopardy when I fail to balance my time.

Every night as I turn off the light after our devotions Joshua asks, “dad, can I have a hug?” By the time I cross the room, he is already half asleep. I give him the “anaconda” hug, and he yells, and laughs, and then I give him a “real hug” and tell him that I love him.  It is moments like these that I don’t want to miss.

Joshua is self-conscious about his teeth so when I take his picture he smirks (he really needs braces, but we are waiting until his “baby teeth” are all out), he is beginning to show interest in girls (that’s a whole other blog topic), and yells for his brothers to get out of the bathroom while he takes a bath. Joshua and Caleb will be ten years old in a few months. Kimberly and I are half-way to the point where we will send them off to college and they will be “grown.” There is still so much that I want to do with them, to teach them, and to experience with them, but time just keeps spinning by. I know that one night he will stop asking for hugs, and my little boy will be a young man.

Those that are called to ministry, don’t neglect your family while you are doing “ministry.” It is a challenge, and sometimes it seems like the entire world is working to keep you from being with them. You can’t control other people’s marriages and their need for counseling, you can’t control when others die and their family’s will be in of their pastors; you simply can’t control life. But knowing that your family is your top priority other than your relationship with God, consider the following:

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4 Ways to Keep Your Family in Balance With Ministry

1. Build in Margin. Life in ministry is similar to being a police person. There are moments when there is nothing going on, and then in a split second “all hell breaks loose.” There are weeks when you are so busy that you feel like you are drowning in a tsunami, and there are weeks when you feel like you are only in a small tropical storm.

In those slow times take the extra time and spend it with your family. Have some “penciled in” activities thought out that you can do if time opens up (go to the park, fix something, clean out the garage, etc.)  There is a saying, “if you don’t control your calendar, then it will control you.” The better you are able to manage your schedule, the better able you will can minister to others (including your family).

Also, when you plan out your week, don’t allow your calendar to get maxed out, build in margin. Don’t worry, life will happen and will fill in these gaps. But instead of being overwhelmed with so much to do, you have given yourself some extra time for these “opportunities.”

Boswell Family at Community Day, Valdosta, GA 4-28-2012

2. Take Them With You Whenever You Can. If it is possible and appropriate take your children (or at least one) with you while you do ministry. You know that there are times when this won’t be appropriate, or they will be a distraction from you being able to do your job — but there are times when they can come along, and may even help. This will allow them to see what you do, how you help people, build the church and the kingdom, and to know how they can pray for you the next time you have to leave them to do ministry.

It is now a family tradition that once one of children turns five they are then allowed to go with me on Sunday morning to church. We leave about 7:00am, stop by and get a quick breakfast and then we “set up” whatever needs to be set up for church. We have a set pattern and the children are able to predict their week. It is a special time that I have individually with my children. Isaac just turned five and is now going with me on Sundays.

3. Say “no.” Your family already knows how many times you say “yes.” But one way of showing how important they are is for you to say “no.” There are only so many hours in the day, and so many things that can be done in a given day, and so many relationships that one person can maintain. You have to say “no” but who you say it to makes all the difference in the emotional development of your children and the strength of your marriage.

If you say “yes” to a ministry concern, you are saying “no” to your family. If you say “no” to your family too much, then problems will arise.  We are talking about balance, you have to say “yes” and “no” to both ministry and family, just make sure you are being guided by the Holy Spirit and the wisdom he gives through His Word. Also, your “yes” should mean “yes.” If you tell your children that you will be there, will do an activity,etc., then don’t make it a pattern of really meaning “no” because you have allowed a ministry opportunity to steal that time away.

4. Quantity verses Quality. I believe this to be an urban legend. Families need both extended time with you and your “being there” emotionally during that time. The most meaningful conversations that have occurred between my children and myself were in the moments where we were doing something mundane (sweeping out the garage, walking to a friend’s house, or just sitting under an umbrella on a beach).

Children can’t be rushed or scheduled to have thoughtful conversations, it just comes to their mind and you talk about it.  You can’t block out time for that, it just happens as life moves from one context to the next. Your presence in the home can’t be replaced.

Pastors and Numbers — What Makes a Christian Leader a “Success?”

Preachers and “Numbers” have had a long sordid history. There are those who when they first discover that you are a “minister” or “pastor” they immediately ask, “so how many are you running?” (i.e. how many do you have in attendance on a typical Sunday morning). In their minds they are evaluating your worth, your faithfulness, your talent, everything about you by the number that comes out of your mouth to answer their question.

Ask yourself, “Who is invited to preach at seminary campuses, various seminars, or large churches?” Is it not those who have experienced explosive growth, those that pastor large churches, or have released a book or some resource that has sold a bizillion of copies? These people are “successful” and if you are to be “successful” in ministry then you should emulate them. At pastor’s lunches or gatherings, when we are all alone with our own, we look over the group and measure our worth and judge our order amongst ourselves. We are a cruel and heartless bunch, we pastors.

Over the years, when my church or ministry was growing I felt successful, and when it decreased I would feel like a failure. I would pour in the hours, sacrifice financially, and try to do whatever it took to change things. The rise and fall of churches is crushing and exhausting to leaders. Leaders and pastors typically don’t know how to balance their feelings of success or failure with the circumstances around them. They struggle with depression because of the events that transpire around them.

On the other side of the discussion are those who for various reasons don’t grow, don’t attract very many, or don’t do much to reach people for Christ. These are the people who say, “it’s not about numbers, it’s about being biblical.” As if “being biblical” is a reason to not change how they operate or think in order to reach out and see people won for Christ. They use this straw man argument to do little for the Lord, to remain inside of a cocoon away from “worldy” people and their influence upon their family.

Everything the Christian does is to be done for the glory of the Lord, but in order to give Him glory we must be obedient. If we are to be obedient and to be a follower of Christ, then we must do what He did. We are commanded to “go and make disciples.” Therefore, growth, new spiritual birth, disciple making, reaching out, etc. . . are important if not required to be true to Christ.

Our value is not based on what we do, but on whose we are. Our privilege and honor is that we get to be apart of the plan of redemption of mankind.  If we are to be apart of His work, there is eternal value in every act. But even as I write these words I am thinking, “that’s what people who don’t see growth, or whose work isn’t seeing any disciples being made say.” That’s what losers say.

We are not called to be “successful” we are called to be “faithful.” But how do you balance what you know Scripture says with what the world (especially the church) says is the measure of success?

There are times when God does a mighty work amongst us, or even with us, and we feel awesome, only to shortly thereafter face a difficulty and find ourselves an emotional mess.  There is a great example of this roller coaster of emotion in 1 Kings 19.

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Elijah and the Broom Tree

So How Should I Deal With the Roller Coaster of Ministry Emotions?

I.   Ask “Why Am I Running Away?” (vv. 1-9a)

1 Now Ahab told Jezebel everything Elijah had done and how he had killed all the prophets with the sword. 2 So Jezebel sent a messenger to Elijah to say, “May the gods deal with me, be it ever so severely, if by this time tomorrow I do not make your life like that of one of them.” 3 Elijah was afraid and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, 4 while he himself went a day’s journey into the desert. He came to a broom tree, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, LORD,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.” 5 Then he lay down under the tree and fell asleep. All at once an angel touched him and said, “Get up and eat.” 6 He looked around, and there by his head was a cake of bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again. 7 The angel of the LORD came back a second time and touched him and said, “Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.” 8 So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God. 9 There he went into a cave and spent the night.

When we look at Elijah in this passage we find him wanting to sleep, hide, get away, and die.  He fears for his life, he has had enough.  But how did Elijah get to this point? He had not eaten,  his focus has changed from eternal to temporal,  he was physically exhausted,  he was alone (he left his servant behind),  he was being introspective and self-pitting (“I am no better than my ancestors”), he is living and running in fear.

How does God respond? He sent him someone (something) to take care of his needs.  Elijah needed to eat, so an angel prepared a meal and encouraged him to eat (twice).  God gave Elijah what he needed to continue, God gave Elijah what he needed to get up, shake of the dust and walk on.  God provided for Elijah in a way similar to his past.   Ravens miraculously fed him when he was by the stream; here an angel miraculously feeds him in the desert.  The Lord ministers to him now, just as he did in the past.  God will provide for you, and give you what you need to make it in ministry.

God also recognizes that “the journey is too much for you.”  Notice that God does not say, “The journey was too much for you.” Elijah has more work to do; his work would go on and on, and on.

Because God gave the apostle Paul great visions, and used him in such a special way, he gave Paul what is described as a “thorn in the flesh” and when Paul asks God to take it away, 2 Corinthians 12:9 “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” God knows that the journey is too much for us to handle alone, so he gives us his grace, and it is sufficient.

II.        Stop Running and Watch (vv. 9b-13)

And the word of the LORD came to him: “What are you doing here, Elijah?” 10 He replied, “I have been very zealous for the LORD God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, broken down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too.” 11 The LORD said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by.” Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. 12 After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. 13 When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. 

Then God speaks to Elijah.  He asks him a question, “What are you doing here?”  God did not tell Elijah to run away.  Elijah has just called down fire from heaven, he has slain 450 prophets of Baal.   The people had cried out, “The LORD – he is God!”  He won the battle single handedly – he won the day. What happened? I believe that Elijah as he stood on Mt. Carmel and saw the fire fall, in his mind thought that that was it – Baalism was beaten, it was over.  After all these years of ministry the war was finally over. He could rest, go home, be at peace.

But now Jezebel is coming after him.  Another battle, another enemy, another battle, another enemy, another day, on and on, and on – the battle never ends, there is no apparent end to Elijah’s fighting. Sometimes when we are on those spiritual mountains we expect to stay there – but ministry has ebb and flow, ups and downs, years of plenty and years of famine. Families still fall apart, children still go wayward, cancer still rips people apart, death still robs families of loved ones, on and on the battle goes.

God asks Elijah, “What are you doing here?”  Elijah responds by saying, “Lord don’t you see what’s going on here – I have lost!”  The people reject your word, they don’t worship you, they kill your prophets, and now I’m the only one left. They won’t listen, they won’t change!” – I have failed.  God responds to Elijah by saying, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by.”  God has proven to be God to the people of Israel, and He has proven that he is God to the prophets of Baal – but here he has to show that He is God to His own prophet. Sometimes we think it’s all about us, and what we can do, what we can see, what we understand, what we know, etc.… It is not about what we can do – It’s all about the God that we serve.  The God we serve spoke and worlds came into existence, at His word the ground became flesh, at his breath Adam breathed his first breath.  It is in his thoughts that all the created order is held together.

He knows how many hairs are on your head, and he knows the darkest part of your heart.  His knowledge is eternal, He has always existed in eternal past, He lives today, and will live forever more.  God alone bore the weight of the cross, He alone loves with a love that endures forever.  When this God passes by our lives – everything changes.

The God we serve leads us out of slavery, pays our ransom and redeems us.  He alone can break the chains of sin.  The Creator controls His creation.  “Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. 12 After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire.

 

God controls the wind, the earth, the fire – he is not in these things, He is above them.  Can Jezebel cause earthquakes, knock down mountains with a wind? Can she consume with fire?  No – But the God whom she will have to an account can.  Who is more powerful, God or Jezebel?

It says that God was not in the wind, the earthquake, or the fire – God performed even more mighty miracles before Elijah, but God was not in the miracles. He “came in a gentle whisper.” It was God’s gentle whisper into Elijah’s heart that ministered to him, not the powerful displays.  God does not always use the miraculous to deliver him from his problems.  God could wipe out all enemies before Him, but he may also use as whisper into the heart of his servant to show His power.  In this moment of crisis in Elijah’s life – it is only the word of the Lord that allows him to mend and regain strength.

What we may really need is not for a mountain to be moved, we may just need to hear the whisper of the Lord saying, “my precious child, I love you, I know what you are going through, and I’ve got your back. Now keep going.”   “But don’t you see my marriage, my child, my life – I’ve got it, I’m strong enough to handle it.”

We want to move from miracle to miracle, from mountaintop to mountaintop until we become miracle junkies.  If we go to a worship service, we want to fire to fall, and the praise band to rock, and the preacher to sweat – we want it loud, and we say, “make me feel something, let me see God do something.”  But God says, no I want you to listen, (softer) I want you to listen, let me just talk to your heart.  I want you to lean in and listen and know that I am God.

III.       Stop Watching and Run Again for God (vv. 13b-18)

Then a voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” 14 He replied, “I have been very zealous for the LORD God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, broken down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too.” 15 The LORD said to him, “Go back the way you came, and go to the Desert of Damascus. When you get there, anoint Hazael king over Aram. 16 Also, anoint Jehu son of Nimshi king over Israel, and anoint Elisha son of Shaphat from Abel Meholah to succeed you as prophet. 17 Jehu will put to death any who escape the sword of Hazael, and Elisha will put to death any who escape the sword of Jehu. 18 Yet I reserve seven thousand in Israel—all whose knees have not bowed down to Baal and all whose mouths have not kissed him.”

God asks Elijah the same question, and Elijah gives the same response.  Perhaps his thinking is that because he is in a cave, maybe God didn’t hear him.  God’s display and passing by his life doesn’t seem to change Elijah’s view of his life situation.  God gives a different response – “Go”  (do your job). He gives him a specific task.

Anoint men of God – spread the load, it’s not all about you.  It’s not all about you being faithful, it’s not all about just you doing ministry, I have a plan that is far larger than you.

“But I’m Elijah” – it will only be successful if I do it.  No, God is bigger than you, and he has a lot more going on than just you.

Anoint a successor – God wants Elijah to take another man who has been called out and invest in his future.  In Elijah’s life time there will be no “death blow” to evil, the fight will continue on.  So he must have someone who has been prepared to take his place when he dies.

There are 7,000 who have been faithful. – In other words, you don’t know everything.  Elijah says, “I’m the only one, I’m the last one left.”  God says, “oh really, you who know everything – did you know about the 7,000 others?”  “Elijah, just because you can’t see other faithful believers, doesn’t mean that they aren’t there.”  Man or woman of God just because you can’t see all the pieces to life’s puzzle, doesn’t mean they don’t exist. You only know today’s chapter, but only God knows what the next chapter of your life holds. It may be high tide, it may be low tide – but God expects us to remain faithful and to keep going.

One of the ways that God brings our spirits up is to push us to continue to “go.”  Go into the future with the foundation of what God has done in the past. God has fed him the past and has fed him now.  God has spoken to him in the past, and now has spoken to him now – the fact that he asks him the same question may be that God is asking him what he desires to do in the future.

The situation stays the same.  The evilness against him and all around him stays the same.  And the God whom he served has always remained the same – it is Elijah’s view of his God that needs to change.  It is only how he perceives God that will bring him out of the pit of depression.  

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 What Does Success Mean for You?  

Numbers are valuable because they represent people, but our value is not based on these numbers.  God is the one at work, He is the one doing the work – we are simply blessed to be along for the ride. Some men of God are used in crystal cathedrals, others only see a handful won for the Lord in a secret place in a dark and oppressive foreign land. Both men are of equal value. Their assignments are different, but their Lord and faithfulness is the same.

 

 

 

Seder Meal at Valdosta Kids on Mission

Tonight at Valdosta Kids on Mission we celebrated a Jewish Seder meal. Each part of the meal represents the deliverance of the slaves from Egypt. We tasted bitter herbs and salty water to remember what it was like to be a slave, and we tasted sweet apple desserts to remember how sweet it is to have a relationship with Christ.  We ate bread wafers (with no leaven), and dipped our fingers in grape juice to remember the plagues. For the Christian, we apply  additional fulfillments of the events and how they relate to Christ and His redemption of mankind from their bondage to sin.

What made the evening so fun and powerful was that it was so “hands-on.” They will remember the evening for a very long time because they were able to tie an experience with a biblical truth. For the Jew and Christian alike, this is a time of celebration and partying (although for different reasons).

click here for pictures.

Mindsets

I found myself on Sunday morning riding in the elevator in the Children’s Building having an epiphany.  It was one of those moments when you are asking yourself was that the elevator bell, or was that sound all in my head?

I suddenly realized that I was setting up stuff for Sunday morning and that I could have done these things earlier in the week. In my mind there are just some things regarding “set up” that you can’t do until Sunday morning. I have eleven years of early Sunday mornings setting up in various locations as part of a church plant set up team.

This was the only time we had access to the building, and it required doing most physical things the morning of the event. I came to realize that I had a deep down mindset – pressed down and deeply engrained on my weekly habitual psyche of doing church.  It’s the same as when police officers won’t sit with their backs to the door, or why my mother used to throw her arm up and hit me in the face in our car when she slammed on the brakes.

There are deep down habits we develop that affect how we live our lives and do our ministries that greatly affect our effectiveness (and we may not even be aware of them).

It took me nine months of being out of the church-planting environment to even realize it.  It sounds ridiculous to say it out loud,  “you can set up at times other than Sunday morning . . . “ But as the elevator doors opened, I thought to myself, almost yelling, “what else do I have engrained in my mind that I may not even be aware of?”

Walk with me.

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If I were to create a list of things that directly affect my ministry and life, the first item on the list would have to be “discipline.”  I define discipline as “following certain specific actions and behavior that lead to a desired outcome.”  Men who are “in shape” are disciplined in exercise. People who write books are disciplined to put words to paper (or computer screen). Women who run in marathons put on their running shoes and are disciplined to run. Families who are seeing God work through their families are disciplined in doing things in their family that lead to that outcome.

Why do we expect for something to happen except that which has already happened if we are not willing to change our behavior? If I don’t write, how will I ever have a book? If I don’t run, how will I ever have ran a marathon? If I do nothing God honoring with my family, why should I expect them to follow Him and give Him glory?

So how do we change bad mindsets, or see healthy ones come about? How do we actually do them?

Make a Plan

1.  Identify behavior that you wish to exhibit. Then put a multi-step plan together (these are steps to help you get where you want to go), then take the first step.  Break up what you want to do into smaller steps

How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.

Make the Plan Visible

2.   Set up some way in which you will be reminded of your desire and decision to change. If you are not doing the desired behavior there is usually a reason. You probably have a deeply engrained habit or behavior that you have followed for a long time, and this new decision will get in the way of you doing those old habits. There will be a battle.  If, for example, you are desiring to have a regular quiet time with the Lord there will be a “battle of the blankets” to either stay in bed and sleep or get up and spend time with the Lord.

Romans 7:15-20 “For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. 16 Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. 17 So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. 18 For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.”

Make the Plan Public

3.   Tell someone about your plan. Once you go public there will be a slight pressure to carry through with what you have said. You could take it a step further and ask someone to ask you how your project is coming or for them to go through it with you.

 

Make the Plan a Matter of Prayer

4.   Prayer – if you don’t need to pray about it, then maybe you should consider something grander in your scope.  We start small and with a first step, but don’t stay there.  Be disciplined so that you can do great things for God.

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I am convinced that that those people who are really good at what they do have a natural talent in their given area, but there is also much work and discipline that has been spent over the years honing their skill. The men and women who make significant contributions to our society are disciplined in their areas of service.  Like my elevator epiphany, they realize needed changes about themselves and they make these needed adjustments. Those that are not disciplined to make changes are doomed to continue in the path that leads to destruction. Christ gives us the power to change (whether it be little, like a few pounds and a run on the treadmill), or a destructive habit in our lives that affects how we lead our families and church.

Who we are to become is directly related to how disciplined we are over time. Each moment is a gift, each day an opportunity to do something great. Pray and ask God to show you a mountain, and through His power begin to move it one shovel full at a time.

Matthew 17:14-20 “And when they came to the crowd, a man came up to him and, kneeling before him, 15 said, “Lord, have mercy on my son, for he is an epileptic and he suffers terribly. For often he falls into the fire, and often into the water. 16 And I brought him to your disciples, and they could not heal him.” 17 And Jesus answered, “O faithless and twisted generation, how long am I to be with you? How long am I to bear with you? Bring him here to me.” 18 And Jesus rebuked the demon,2 and it3 came out of him, and the boy was healed instantly.4 19 Then the disciples came to Jesus privately and said, “Why could we not cast it out?” 20 He said to them, “Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.”

"For by grace you have been saved through faith." Ephesians 2:8

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