Drew Boswell

a place for us to share ideas, talk about life, and learn together.

The Leader as the Intent Keeper; Matthew 6:1-4

“Tooting Your Own Horn (or trumpet)”

Matthew 6:1-4 “Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven. 2 “Thus, when you give to the needy, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. 3 But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, 4 so that your giving may be in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.”

In this passage from Matthew 6 Jesus continues the Sermon on the Mount. He has already covered material in the Beatitudes, being salt and light, His fulfilling of the Law, anger, lust, divorce, oaths, retaliation, and loving one’s enemies. Now he moves to a discussion of service.

This passage was written to individuals who in their pride want others to notice their practices, and to make people aware of how God desires to reward His children for their behavior. Is it wrong for churches to ‘announce’ that they are doing certain “practices of righteousness?” We have web sites, facebook, signs on our campuses, newsletters, (etc.) that tell of our ministries and how we seek to serve the community – is it wrong to ‘announce’ these things?

If we use Matthew 6 as a guiding precept, then the main indicator of transgression is one’s motive. Should the church be driven by the desire to be “rewarded” by God? The word ‘reward’ is used three times in verses one through four and the potential of losing it is based on pride in the individual as they do a particular act of righteousness. It is assumed by the text that God’s reward is something to be sought after.

Motive seems to the determination of reward, but practicing righteousness before other people seems to be unavoidable in many situations. But it is the extra step of drawing attention (blowing a trumpet) to one’s actions for the purpose of being noticed and praised by others that crosses the line.

If you (or a church) do an action to be seen by other people then you lose your reward that would have come from God. If you do an action to be seen by God then there is a reward from God given to you.

The remedy to prideful acts is to “give to the needy” in secret, and don’t let other people know about your giving. The Father sees all things done in secret. Would you give to someone if no one would ever know? How you answer this question helps you determine your motive.

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Guarding Intent

In the Christian life what we do boils down to motive (Why we do what we do). There are many motives (an unhealthy fear of God, pride in having others “see” them, guilt for past actions, self-righteousness and how the service makes you feel, etc.) that are invalid for the Christian to do what they do.

It is easy for a noble endeavor to lose its original intent and degrade into something far less noble. For example, a church starts a Christian school. It’s original purpose and intent was to start a school to change the culture of young people and to give them a Christian worldview.

But as time passed the motive moves toward a desire to generate more than needed revenue. So certain standards are lessened until eventually the original noble objective is lost. The school becomes too focused on attracting more and more students, and in order to do this it lowers its threshold of who can attend and what they do as part of the “Christian” curriculum. The declining school was not actually declining in numbers, but in its impact among the children. While it focused on bigger, newer, and being flashy it became more about being better than the Christian school across the county rather than changing children’s lives. What a tragedy. They had gained the world (and the bragging rights) but had lost the children’s souls.

All Christians and Churches will face moments of when their motives will be tested, and we may need to be brought back from a false trajectory. 1 Peter 1:6-7 “In this [one’s salvation] you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, 7 so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.”

The trigger for this decline is sin and you can insert a host of different sins; fear, pride, worldliness, a lack of faith . . . and this sin inevitably leads to a loss of purpose.

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The Leader as the Intent Keeper

1. The leader must guard the purpose. When he fails in this task the organization drifts toward decline.

2. The leader must remind the people of the purpose. If we forget why we are doing something, then it becomes much easier to focus our time and precious resources on anything else (other than what’s truly the most important thing). It is mission critical that the leader pound the drum of purpose. Why does the organization exist? Now say it again, and again, and again (ad nauseum).

3. The leader says ‘No” a lot. People will constantly bring ideas of things that could be done by the organization, but the leader has to say no to things that don’t directly line up to the purpose and no to ideas that would take valuable resources away from its ultimate objective.

Whenever there is confusion regarding what the organization is to be about, then there will inevitably be a power clash. The leader must nip any conflicting visions in the bud before they had time to work throughout the organization.

4. The leader has to be a hunter of sacred cows. Once the purpose has been determined, announced, explained then there will begin to develop a distinction between activities that line up with the mission and activities that don’t. These distinct activities that don’t may have been around for a long time, but actually work against the health of the overall organization.

The leader with wisdom, tact, and much prayer must kill the sacred cow. These bovine activities distract and take needed resources and personnel from the ultimate objective. There are not many things harder for a leader to do than to kill something many hold to be “sacred” and a part of their tradition.

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In life it is far easier to decline than to develop. It is easier to tear down than to build. It is easier to maintain than to push the organization forward. Guarding your own motive for Christian service is a hard task, and requires effort. Take time today to evaluate your heart and press on to do great things for the Lord. Just leave the trumpet at home.

Walking the Tight rope of “Kingdom” Work and “Church” Work

In many ways leadership is a balancing act. Some guys do it with flare, others of us are just glad to be hanging on and not have fallen to our death. Some leaders move gracefully and with pizazz, with others it becomes tedious step-by-step events of terror. But in the tightrope of ministry, one must know how far to step, when to bring up topics to discuss, how to deal with “personalities,” and on and on the rope goes in which one must stay balanced.

The leader must weave through obstacles and must constantly keep multiple things in mind. As one progresses through the years these balancing movements become reflexive and intuitive. So with age comes wisdom, and when you see someone about to make a misstep you cringe and yell “stop, you’re going to fall,” and you pray there’s a net.

But all leaders must fall off the wire, it’s how one learns the intuitive feeling of balance and if your lucky gain the flair of showmanship. But tightrope walking begins only inches off the ground, and with experience moves heavenward. So fall from this height are for more forgiving when you are getting started, rather than falls from the “Big Top.”

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Tension

Like the tension in the wire, the leader in ministry needs two anchored ends to support him in his dramatic walk along the rope. The first anchor is outreach, evangelism, and ministry. For our discussion I categorize these purposes of the church as “kingdom” work. The second anchor is discipleship, fellowship, and worship, and we will call these three “church” work. 

If there is too much of an angle on either side, then the tightrope walker too easily slides down the steep angle and falls. If there is too much slack in the rope where either side gives way, then the walker does not have the support needed to make the walk. Both are needed equally, both must be securely anchored, and both must be of equal level (i.e. importance) in the life of the church.

Fellowship balanced with Outreach.

Worship balanced with Missions.

Discipleship is balanced with Ministry.

All things balanced with Love.

If you focus too much on missions, then people could begin to feel out of touch with the church body as a whole. The church will begin to say things like, “Why are we trying help all these people (over there) when there are people needing help right her in our own church body?”

This is not an “either/or” situation, it is a “both/and” situation, and both need to be balanced. If the church is not reaching out, and it over emphasizes fellowship, then it easily becomes inward focused and selfish. Marble columns go up everywhere in the cathedral while the nations are ignorant of Christ. Volunteers become scarce as everyone has “stuff they need to do.”

When missions is overly pushed then people are left feeling used and neglected. Those that are faithful, hardworking volunteers get burned out and the volunteer base shrinks to nothing. If we think of “missions” as seeking to reach a certain people group, or changing how you do things in order to reach people (i.e. immersion in a different culture), then it is not too difficult to find a church that has changed everything to reach lost people with their church services.  If missions is overly emphasized, then the services resemble rock concerts, the preaching becomes “talks” with little Bible content, and the most important person in the room is the guest and not God. All of this is done for the purpose of making the lost culture to feel “more at home.”

If worship is overly emphasized then the service changes little over the years. There is no thought (or very little) to guests and they are left feeling like “outsiders” who don’t speak the foreign language of church (bulletin, atonement, right hand of fellowship, reading music, finding books in the Bible in seconds, etc.).  The lost world must make a huge effort to overcome these obstacles in order to climb into congregations. Worship tends to focus more on tradition than making changes to stay “culturally relevant.”

Lastly, when discipleship is overly emphasized then people learn a lot about God and His Word, but do very little of the things He commands His followers to do (sharing the gospel, feeding the poor, helping the widow, giving our coats to those without one, etc.) They tend to stay in classrooms and argue over doctrine, while they do little with the doctrine.

When ministry is overemphasized soldiers are ill equipped to do ministry. Like a soldier handed a rifle with no instructions, dangerous doctrine, sinful solutions to problems, and bad application of Scripture are not very far away. When churches focus little on equipping and are heavy on ministry then you better keep your head down because they know little of the Evil One’s schemes nor the Creator’s Plan for them and the world.

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When a church is able to find the balance between “kingdom” and “church” work, then they grow in knowledge and life experiences. Their assumed doctrine is challenged and made more concrete through encountering a lost world. Their hidden sins are brought to the surface and dealt with through being held accountable by fellow believers.  Their spiritual gifts are exercised in service to the Lord, so they feel more satisfied and content with life.  New friendships are made (outreach) and old ones are deepened (fellowship). Ultimately God uses one’s faithfulness to His plan (church and kingdom work) to make the Christian (and then the church) more like Christ. To be out of balance, with any of these purposes, leads to a person being damaged and the church misses it’s calling.

 

Farming and the Gospel; Mark 4:1-20


A Grandfather’s Little Helper

During the long, hot, summer days of my childhood I would stay with my Grandfather while my parents worked. Every year he would roll out the old Farm All tractor that looked like it rolled off Noah’s Ark; it was the kind with the crank on the front.  We would then plant a three or four acre garden.  The tractor had a mechanism that seed could be loaded into and we planted corn, okra, cucumbers, squash, etc.

Then as the weeks passed, little green sprigs would pop from beneath the soil, getting taller, taller and taller.  Then there would be a blossom of various colors, and eventually vegetables.  The wonderful part of the summer was when we would walk through the rows of plants and there beneath a leaf would be a mature okra, or among a tall stalk an ear of sweet corn – we would carry buckets full of vegetables to the house to be cleaned, stored for the winter, but best of all – to be enjoyed for dinner.

Being a farmer is hard work.  It requires an enduring work ethic, many hours of sweat, and the ability to solve problems. But most importantly, being a farmer requires patience.  What if the second day my grandfather would have looked out over the freshly plowed and planted field and yelled, “Where are my vegetables?”  “I quit farming.”  Many Christians after trying to reach their neighbors, family or community for Christ just quit simply because it is a difficult task.

You can go to the frozen section of the grocery store, or even better go to a restaurant and order vegetables – but someone else raised them – you are enjoying food someone else raised.  Being apart of a church is not about eating the fruits of someone else’s labor – it’s about all of us being in the field and together reaping a harvest.

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The Work of the Farmer

In Mark 4, Jesus’ parable is taking us into this world of agriculture when he says “A farmer went out to sow his seed.”  Life is too short not to have ever sat around a table, feeling exhausted from a hard day in the sun, and sinking your teeth into a delicious ear of corn, or fried okra, or steamed cabbage that you grew.  Christ calls us to not only plant a crop of seeds in the field, but to stay around long enough, and to stick with it long enough to see the harvest mature.

Before you die, I want you to have a story of how you were apart of seeing a person receive the seed of the gospel, and you worked with them long enough to see them blossom into a mature reproducing Christian.   Not that you stood at a distance and watched, or heard others tell their story – but you were the farmer who sowed the seed, you were the one who worked with the plant until it was mature.  I want you to have enjoyed the banquet at the table.   I want you to see the vision God has for your life.

I. Farming is Hard Work (vv. 1-4a)

Mark 4:1-4a “Again Jesus began to teach by the lake. The crowd that gathered around him was so large that he got into a boat and sat in it out on the lake, while all the people were along the shore at the water’s edge. 2He taught them many things by parables, and in his teaching said: 3“Listen!. 4As he was scattering the seed,“

Among the many things that he taught using stories or parables the writer of this gospel selects one about a farmer who went out to sow seeds.  In Matthew 4:17 Jesus said, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is near.”  Just as there is an urgency to go fishing as fisher’s of men, there is also an urgency to scatter the seed of the gospel.

“A farmer went out to sow his seed” – First, recognize that the farmer is actually in the field, sowing seed.  He is willing to work for the harvest.  Before the farmer can ever know what his harvest will look like, he has to first step foot into the field.  He has to trust that by doing the work of casting seed, he will have food to eat in the weeks to come.   There is no harvest, if you don’t step foot in the field.

There has only been one time in my life when someone came up to me and asked, “Are you a Christian?” and I said yes, and we went on to discuss salvation and the things of God.  All the other years and millions of other people that pass me every day, require that I initiate contact with them. We must be willing to “go” and plant the seeds (Matthew 28).

II.      Not All Soils Are the Same  (vv. 4b-9)  

“some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. 5Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. 6But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. 7Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants, so that they did not bear grain. 8Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up, grew and produced a crop, multiplying thirty, sixty, or even a hundred times.” 9Then Jesus said, “He who has ears to hear, let him hear.“

Jesus describes how four different types of people respond when the gospel is shared with them.  All four responses are different.

 1.         Hard Soil – “some fell along the path and the birds came and ate it up” Farmers and travelers walked in between fields by traveling along paths that zigzag across the landscape.  Because of this traffic the ground became very hard.  The seed never was able to penetrate because of the hardness of the path, and birds came and ate the exposed seed.

Jesus explains this verse by saying in verse 15, “15Some people are like seed along the path, where the word is sown. As soon as they hear it, Satan comes and takes away the word that was sown in them.”  Because of the hardness of their hearts, Satan is able to take it away as soon as it is sown.  This is why prayer is so important – we must pray that people hearts will be softened and prepared for the seed of the gospel.  This person will just outright turn you away.

2.         Rocky Soil – “5Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. 6But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root.” – There are some who apparently receive Christ, they seem to be growing in their faith.  On the outside there are all the signs of a healthy plant, it was growing quickly – there was a promise of a fruitful harvest – but when things heated up, or there was some difficulty, their faith died.

Jesus explains this verse when he says “16Others, like seed sown on rocky places, hear the word and at once receive it with joy. 17But since they have no root, they last only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, they quickly fall away.”

The reason it never reached maturity was it did not have a deep root system – the person never had a saving faith in Christ (there was no root).  There are some who apparently receive Christ but they never had a saving faith and when the heat comes, they deny their faith because it is just too hard, too hot, too much trouble.

The next time you encounter hardship for the name of Christ, thank God for it – because through this time you are confirming your salvation by your dependence and enduring under it for Christ.

3.        Thorny Soil – ” 7Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants, so that they did not bear grain .” – others who have heard the gospel, take this seed and it even begins to grow in their lives, but they are surrounded by things that choke it out.

Jesus explains these verses in (v. 18) when he says, “18Still others, like seed sown among thorns, hear the word; 19but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful.”

There are three things given that cause the plant to become unfruitful: (1) “worries of this life” – they are so worried and preoccupied with their own lives that they simply don’t have time for anyone else, including Christ.  (2) “the deceitfulness of wealth” – This is a group of people that are more concerned about money and are distracted from their purpose of producing a crop.  (3) “the desire for other things” – these people want the gospel, salvation, while at the same time having the world.  Later Jesus says in Luke 16:13 “No one can serve two masters.  For you will hate one and love the other, or be devoted to one and despise the other.  You cannot serve both God and money.”

“Things” are getting in the way of being a fruitful plant.   There are only so many hours in a day, and this person has decided to dedicate all of them to “things” and not a lost world.  Even those that worked with Paul fell away because they became distracted by the “things of this life.” 2 Timothy 4:9-10 “Please come as soon as you can. Demas has deserted me because he loves the things of this life and has gone to Thessalonica.”

 4.         Good Soil – 8Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up, grew and produced a crop, multiplying thirty, sixty, or even a hundred times.  Jesus again explains this verse (v. 20) when he says, “20Others, like seed sown on good soil, hear the word, accept it, and produce a crop—thirty, sixty or even a hundred times what was sown.”

The seed that landed in good soil, or a heart who becomes a genuine disciple is portrayed by Christ as growing, being healthy, and producing a crop.  One seed has turned into 30, 60, or even 100s.  One person becomes a believer and when their time on earth is done they leave behind a multiplication of believers. Not simply a one to one ratio, but many.

III.       Farmers Face Disappointment

When you look at Joshua, chapter 1 , it describes the conquest of Canaan, it starts off like this:  “As I was with Moses, so I’ll be with thee.  Be strong and of a good courage.  And as I’ve promised my servant Moses, I give unto you the land of the Hittites, and the Hivites, and the Jebusites, and the Girgashites.”

Then that [third] verse says: “And wherever—every place where your feet trod, that have I given to you.”  God gave to Israel that holy land.  But they had to fight for it every inch of the way.  Every place they placed their foot was a battle.  It is much easier, just to stop and stay where you are.  Are we willing to rally, and fight for every step you take to reach others for Christ?  Those that fight in war get hurt.

There is no harvest without hard work, but there is also no harvest without disappointment.  For this farmer he lost three out of every four plants.  That’s three disappointments to every one success.  How do you keep casting seed, knowing that every three seeds you cast will not make it?  Because of the one that does.

A boy and his grandfather were walking along the sea shore and the early morning tide had pushed millions of starfish on the shore for miles.  The boy began to throw the starfish into the sea and after a while the Grandfather said, “boy there’s millions of them, you can’t save them all – what does it matter?”  The boy responded back, “it matters to this one.”[1]

I believe that Jesus gave us this passage of the different types of soils so that we won’t get completely depressed.  This passage gives me hope that all our effort, all our time, and resources aren’t wasted.  Many people believe that unless you have taken a person through a tract, the four spiritual laws, or checked the salvation box – then you haven’t been faithful in evangelism.

On some occasions, the Spirit wants me to be an opener.  I have a hoe and I’m supposed to break up the hard ground of their heart.  There may be another person who comes and plants the seed.  Another time the Spirit may want me to water the seed, and on another occasion I have the privilege of walking them across the salvation line – but only because dozens of others have gotten them that far.

In the years that I have been pastoring I have seen what I sometimes call to myself the “Fool’s Walk.”  Sometime earlier in the week, they had invited someone to come to church and they said that they would be there.  So there they stands in the lobby, waiting, for the person to drive up.  The service begins and the pacing begins—back and fourth, five minutes go by, and then ten – the person never shows.

I have played the fool, and if you are faithful in inviting people, you will play the fool too.  Paul tells us to “do the work of evangelism” – because it is hard work.  It is hard to put your heart out there.  You offer grace and love – and they give rejection.  Know this – there is a person out there whose heart is the good soil and if we keep playing the fool long enough we will reap a harvest.

[1] This illustration is not original to me, but I am not sure where it originated.

Transitions

Today is the kid’s last day of school, at least for this grade. As they were getting out of the car I joked with them, “I remember my last day of school. . . when I graduated from the fourth grade,” but then went on to say, “ohh except for fifth grade, I remember the last day of fifth grade, ohh except for sixth grade, etc. . . all the way through 2009“ They said, we were alive in 2009!” “Yeah, I was still in school when you were in second grade (the grade H-G is in now).” “But summer vacation is almost here – so enjoy it, because you will be in school until your children are in second grade!”

It’s funny how when we end a season of our lives that we somehow think we are finished moving from one thing to another. But days of swimming, sleeping late, camps, and playing Legos all day are just around the corner. For my children, they are beginning a transition from one grade to another.  They have made it through a new school year, a new school, new friends, a new home, and a new life.

I am reminded that FBCV’s new youth pastor has completed his first week.  It was a week of cleaning out his office, figuring out which keys go to what, meeting the staff, and trying to remember where his office is in a maze of church buildings filled with crevices and surprises.  I am convinced that I will discover the Lost Ark somewhere on FBCV campus.

“I remember my first week at FBCV . . .” so many months ago (like ten). The end of the summer will mark my first year as serving as the Pastor of Children and Families. In many ways I still feel like I am transitioning from one life to another.

Life is constantly moving from one thing to another – we are in constant transition. When you are born your body radically changes daily. From there it’s walking, potty training, eating by yourself, then eventually reading, writing, driving, Calculus, girlfriends, college, marriage, kids, mini-vans, and thinning hair. At every stage, just when you have it figured out, guess what? It’s time to change to something else. If the transitions ever slow down, we get bored, and get way too contemplative. It’s the constant and sudden changes that keeps us from too deep of thought, too much time to get in trouble.

The following are a few mistakes that we can make if don’t deal with transitions very well.

Mistakes of dealing with transitions of life:

1. Looking toward the next transition too soon. When I was in seminary there were those that would max out the amount of classes they could take. They rarely (if ever) left their rooms except to go to class. If you did happen to see these recluses, and were able to squeeze in a conversation, they constantly talked about how they wanted to finish school as soon as possible (yeah, no kidding).

They were missing “the seminary experience” in order to get to the “real world” of ministry. The whole purpose of seminary was to equip them for the ministry they desired to do, but in their rushing through the experience they were short circuiting the process of being equipped in order to move to the next stage.

At every stage of life and in every time of transition there are things we are to learn, life lessons to experience, and people that we are to meet and engage in life with. If you move from stage to stage, and transition to transition, with never stopping to engage in the moment, then you are going to miss something very important in your life. When have you finally arrived? At what point of “success” will you slow down and concentrate on the moment?

2. Not Developing Relationships As You Go. Life (and ministry) is all about relationships, people, and how we are all connected together. It took me until my adult life to realize the people who have been in my life weren’t just there (as trees in a landscape)– they were there for me to develop meaningful relationships with.

In our self-centered lives we tend to view people as ways to get us to where we want to go; they become tools we use to help us advance in our goals, “visions”, or careers. If they can’t be of help to us, we tend to marginalize them out of our lives.  This is a huge mistake.  Even if you perceive that a person will be in your life for a short period of time, you still should make an effort to get to know them, love them, befriend them, and invest your life in theirs. Who knows where it might lead and what the future holds.

3.  Not Enjoying the Moment. There are moments in my kid’s lives that I will always treasure.  I have loved leading Joshua and Caleb in Cub Scouts, having lunch with Isaac when I pick him up after Pre-School, or doing Hannah-Grace’s hair for a dance recital when her mother had to go out of town.

It sounds cliché, but “stop to smell the roses.” Our kids are only in their “transition” for a moment and then they move on to something else. Each day is a gift, and each new change is an opportunity to keep a great relationship, start over, or make things right.

Transitions cause stress in our lives. We feel the need to make decisions, and our focus can become completely consumed by this need to take some action, make a final decision, or the feeling to just do something. Often times we are not sure of what we need to do, and we know this requires us to wait. In that time of stress, life still moves on, it doesn’t stop because you are feeling introspective.

Ministry involves “emotional work.” Like nurses or police officers, pastors regularly engage in activities as a part of their day-to-day responsibilities where they must deal with other people’s problems, emotions, and behavior.  They are expected to express love, compassion, emotion, or they are expected to reserve that emotion, to be professionally distant and to control it all like a switch.

So as the years go by, if we are not careful, our emotion switch gets stuck or even broken. Numbness and callousness sets in like a whiteout in the winter. We stop feeling, caring, and everything goes on autopilot. We are so “professional” that we can fool everyone, even ourselves.

But we are numb on the inside, and we miss those moments of transitions that our kid’s need for us to “be there.” If you are at this point, and you are not able to enjoy “the moment” then stop what you are doing, take a break, pray, and focus on doing whatever it takes to regain your sense of feeling. One of the ways that I have found to manage that “professional numbness” is to focus on today. I don’t know what God has in store for me in the future, but today I have responsibilities, children who need a dad, a wife that needs a husband, a church that is looking to me to lead in the area of “children and family.” If I can focus on that, and only that, then I can fend off the feeling of paralysis by analysis.

 

Balancing Family and Ministry

Joshua at Jump'n Jacks in Valdosta, GA 5-5-2012

This is my son Joshua. We named him and his twin brother Caleb after the biblical characters in Numbers 13. Only Joshua and Caleb believed that God would be with His people and to help them do what God had called them to do (i.e. the conquer the Promised Land). My guys were born six weeks premature and were in a NICU unit for an extended period of time. We would visit them every day and there were times when I was greatly concerned for them. In the biblical account “they were like grasshoppers among giants.” And in many ways my sons have been playing “catch up” their whole lives.  They were small in their early grades, small on their Upward teams, but in spite of everything they are doing great. We want them to be leaders who even though the world around them does not follow God, they will be bold and stand for what is right.

As a pastor, I sometimes find myself out of balance. God in His grace and mercy, through the guidance of the Holy Spirit taps me on the shoulder and reminds me that I have a family, a wife, children.  Balancing individual time with each child, time with my wife, outings as a family, even dinner in the evenings becomes a challenge. Calendars have to be mapped out, vacations planned, ball games juggled, or just time guarded to be at home. When dads get out of balance and don’t listen to God, it is their families that pay the price. I recognize that our (Kimberly and myself) desire for our children to be spiritual giants is in jeopardy when I fail to balance my time.

Every night as I turn off the light after our devotions Joshua asks, “dad, can I have a hug?” By the time I cross the room, he is already half asleep. I give him the “anaconda” hug, and he yells, and laughs, and then I give him a “real hug” and tell him that I love him.  It is moments like these that I don’t want to miss.

Joshua is self-conscious about his teeth so when I take his picture he smirks (he really needs braces, but we are waiting until his “baby teeth” are all out), he is beginning to show interest in girls (that’s a whole other blog topic), and yells for his brothers to get out of the bathroom while he takes a bath. Joshua and Caleb will be ten years old in a few months. Kimberly and I are half-way to the point where we will send them off to college and they will be “grown.” There is still so much that I want to do with them, to teach them, and to experience with them, but time just keeps spinning by. I know that one night he will stop asking for hugs, and my little boy will be a young man.

Those that are called to ministry, don’t neglect your family while you are doing “ministry.” It is a challenge, and sometimes it seems like the entire world is working to keep you from being with them. You can’t control other people’s marriages and their need for counseling, you can’t control when others die and their family’s will be in of their pastors; you simply can’t control life. But knowing that your family is your top priority other than your relationship with God, consider the following:

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4 Ways to Keep Your Family in Balance With Ministry

1. Build in Margin. Life in ministry is similar to being a police person. There are moments when there is nothing going on, and then in a split second “all hell breaks loose.” There are weeks when you are so busy that you feel like you are drowning in a tsunami, and there are weeks when you feel like you are only in a small tropical storm.

In those slow times take the extra time and spend it with your family. Have some “penciled in” activities thought out that you can do if time opens up (go to the park, fix something, clean out the garage, etc.)  There is a saying, “if you don’t control your calendar, then it will control you.” The better you are able to manage your schedule, the better able you will can minister to others (including your family).

Also, when you plan out your week, don’t allow your calendar to get maxed out, build in margin. Don’t worry, life will happen and will fill in these gaps. But instead of being overwhelmed with so much to do, you have given yourself some extra time for these “opportunities.”

Boswell Family at Community Day, Valdosta, GA 4-28-2012

2. Take Them With You Whenever You Can. If it is possible and appropriate take your children (or at least one) with you while you do ministry. You know that there are times when this won’t be appropriate, or they will be a distraction from you being able to do your job — but there are times when they can come along, and may even help. This will allow them to see what you do, how you help people, build the church and the kingdom, and to know how they can pray for you the next time you have to leave them to do ministry.

It is now a family tradition that once one of children turns five they are then allowed to go with me on Sunday morning to church. We leave about 7:00am, stop by and get a quick breakfast and then we “set up” whatever needs to be set up for church. We have a set pattern and the children are able to predict their week. It is a special time that I have individually with my children. Isaac just turned five and is now going with me on Sundays.

3. Say “no.” Your family already knows how many times you say “yes.” But one way of showing how important they are is for you to say “no.” There are only so many hours in the day, and so many things that can be done in a given day, and so many relationships that one person can maintain. You have to say “no” but who you say it to makes all the difference in the emotional development of your children and the strength of your marriage.

If you say “yes” to a ministry concern, you are saying “no” to your family. If you say “no” to your family too much, then problems will arise.  We are talking about balance, you have to say “yes” and “no” to both ministry and family, just make sure you are being guided by the Holy Spirit and the wisdom he gives through His Word. Also, your “yes” should mean “yes.” If you tell your children that you will be there, will do an activity,etc., then don’t make it a pattern of really meaning “no” because you have allowed a ministry opportunity to steal that time away.

4. Quantity verses Quality. I believe this to be an urban legend. Families need both extended time with you and your “being there” emotionally during that time. The most meaningful conversations that have occurred between my children and myself were in the moments where we were doing something mundane (sweeping out the garage, walking to a friend’s house, or just sitting under an umbrella on a beach).

Children can’t be rushed or scheduled to have thoughtful conversations, it just comes to their mind and you talk about it.  You can’t block out time for that, it just happens as life moves from one context to the next. Your presence in the home can’t be replaced.

"For by grace you have been saved through faith." Ephesians 2:8

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