Drew Boswell

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Three Types of Friendships Men in Ministry Need

 

Coffee at the Cracker Barrel

Ministry will inevitably take its toll on even the strongest and mature of men. Eventually, every person who seeks to do ministry in Christ’s name will undergo temptations, trials, and ministry circumstances that will change them. Life has a way of being a blessing and a curse at the same time. In these times, God is always working in the life of His disciple – always.

I met with a new friend this week who shared his heart with me (it was deeper than the cursory sports, weather, jokes, etc., topics); he was feeling beat down and was discouraged. He is a man who has a huge vision to do things for God, but has a host of obstacles laid before him that seem to be a blockade to his ministry. As we talked over coffee and “the Old Timers’” breakfast, I realized that he just needed someone to talk to. In ministry it is not always easy to find someone who you can bear your soul to. Trust is something that is hard to come by.

As a leader you can’t honestly speak openly with those whom you lead; they may doubt your integrity or ability to make decisions. You can’t talk with your spouse about truly weighing issues because a man tries to protect those he loves (especially his wife). So who does this leave in a minister’s life? If you invest a majority of your time in your ministry, church, and family, there is little time left to invest in a friendship with someone. Therefore, many in ministry are lonely and left feeling all alone.

I have been blessed by God at my new place of ministry, but was especially blessed this week with finding a friend in ministry that I can walk with in friendship.

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Those in ministry need
three different types of relationships with other men. [1]

1. The first type of relationship that men need is a “Paul.” This is a person who realizes that they are consciously investing their knowledge and experience into another person. Every ministering man should submit themselves to the guidance and wisdom of a mentor. This “Paul” will take you with them on their ministry journey, and will coach you in yours.

This person is someone you esteem and respect for his many years of faithful service to Christ. This relationship can be “official” and structured or spontaneous and casual – but the important thing is that you have someone who you highly respect that you can bounce ideas off of, ask hard questions of, and can model your life after.

The apostle Paul regularly took people with him on his missionary journeys. Who is a “Paul” that can coach you in your ministry?

2. The second type of needed relationship is a “Timothy.” No matter how long you have been in ministry you have learned something that you can pass on to someone else. We must invest ourselves in the lives of other men in ministry to help them to be a success. The apostle Paul refers to Timothy as, “beloved and faithful son in the Lord” (1 Cor. 4:17). This was a relationship of spiritual father to a spiritual son.

And in Acts 16:3 we see that Paul desires to take him along as a traveling companion. I have been extremely blessed by God with the ability to have gone to seminary and have completed my doctoral work. But even more important than that are the ministry experiences that seem very common among my brothers, like high school Bible questions – you have heard them all after a while. [2]

There are ways to deal with change, unruly people, mean people, etc. that in ministry are the “tricks of the trade.” I was also blessed early on in my ministry to have had some men who allowed me to journey with them in ministry and I learned a lot about what it means to love people and shepherd a flock from watching them in action.

3. The third type of needed relationship is a “Barnabas.” In Scripture, Barnabas’ given name was Joseph, but the early church called him, “Son of Encouragement” or Barnabas. He traveled with the apostle Paul and in most cases was equal in their role in the church. It was Barnabas who originally brought Paul into the church and gave him the “ok.”

They traveled together, and even argued over who they should take (i.e. John Mark in Colossians 4:10). The main idea is that these men were equal in standing, ministered together, and were a source of encouragement to each other.

You are not going to argue with your mentor, or your protégé, but you will with your comrade in arms; you have enough love and respect to confront him when he is wrong. In some circles this is called an accountability partner. This is a friend, who also is in ministry, that you draw strength from, and give encouragement to.

All three of these relationships are needed in a minister’s life, and none will develop unless some effort is made on your part to move the relationship forward. So, pray first, and ask God to make these relationships clear to you and then make some effort to build these friendships.

 

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[1] I recognize that women also serve in ministry. Since I am a man, I can not honestly speak to what a woman needs in ministry. Men and Women are worlds apart, and I am just now figuring out what I need in ministry. Not, only that, but we are talking about “feelings” so give me a break.

[2] Questions like, “where did Cain’s wife come from?” or “if God is so good, then why does he allow so much suffering?” or “what about those who have never heard of Jesus or the gospel?”

Who Owns Your House? Luke 20:9-18

Luke 20:9-18 tells the parable Jesus gave of the owner of a vineyard who went away and how the tenants desired to wrongly own the vineyard themselves. In order to maintain control of the vineyard they abuse messengers sent by and even kill the owners son. As with all parables, we must be careful not to push details of the story too far, but the main idea is that the owner of the vineyard has the rightful claim of the vineyard and that the tenants are wrong in their desiring to own the property. The parable points back to the Old Testament and how God’s prophets were sent to the Israelites and the world and their ultimate rejection of these prophets. It also points to Jesus’ ultimate (as the Son) death at the hands of the religious leaders and sinful mankind.

Luke 20:9-18 “9 And he began to tell the people this parable: “A man planted a vineyard and let it out to tenants and went into another country for a long while. 10 When the time came, he sent a servant2 to the tenants, so that they would give him some of the fruit of the vineyard. But the tenants beat him and sent him away empty-handed. 11 And he sent another servant. But they also beat and treated him shamefully, and sent him away empty-handed. 12 And he sent yet a third. This one also they wounded and cast out. 13 Then the owner of the vineyard said, ‘What shall I do? I will send my beloved son; perhaps they will respect him.’ 14 But when the tenants saw him, they said to themselves, ‘This is the heir. Let us kill him, so that the inheritance may be ours.’ 15 And they threw him out of the vineyard and killed him. What then will the owner of the vineyard do to them? 16 He will come and destroy those tenants and give the vineyard to others.” When they heard this, they said, “Surely not!” 17 But he looked directly at them and said, “What then is this that is written: “‘The stone that the builders rejected has become the cornerstone’? 18 Everyone who falls on that stone will be broken to pieces, and when it falls on anyone, it will crush him.”’

But there is a common question that I have encountered in ministry that this passage helps us to understand. In conversations with non-believers and discussions of the Bible I have heard something like “if God is so loving why would he tell the Israelites to kill everyone on the land they were conquering?”

The root of the answer is “who has rightful claim to the land?” God created the world, and as Creator it is His (Genesis 1:1 ff.).  He created man and sent them out (as His followers) to “fill the earth.” His original design was for the world to be filled with those who bear His image to reflect His character and bring Him glory. But sin came into the picture and whole nations rejected the One True God and followed false gods.

God also, in His mercy and love, sent prophets among the nations to warn them of the consequences of their rejection. So by the time we see passages like 1 Chronicles 21, Deuteronomy 3, Joshua 6, Judges 21, and 2 Kings 10 these nations are not innocent. They have all rejected the One True Creator God, and as the owner of all, God had the right to take certain land from one group of people and give it to another group of people. Also, in many cases Israel’s conquering and killing was a judgment upon these pagan nations. This same judgment would also come upon God’s own people when they apostatized throughout the Old Testament.

The Holy/Promised Land (as was the entire planet) was a place that was to be dedicated to the worship of the One True God (the Creator). So when the owner of the “vineyard” demanded that they give him a portion of the harvest (worship, praise, tithes, adoration, etc.), we can see how evil it is for the tenants to reject the messengers and even kill his son. God owns everything in all of creation, and yes, even you (for you are wonderfully and beautifully made). Our choice is to accept this as God’s Word lovingly and mercifully warns us, or reject it and face the ultimate consequences of trying to claim something that is not rightfully ours.

 

Hypothetical Questions and the Bible

Genesis 1:28 “And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

I usually don’t like to deal with hypothetical questions because they tend to smack of past ethics classes or some late night college conversation, and ultimately they don’t take us very far. But allow me to indulge in some hypothetical questions regarding the creation account. We are told in v. 28 that God tells Adam and Event to “fill the earth.” What was God’s original plan? What if Adam and Eve had not sinned in Genesis?  What would the world look like, specifically, would the family unit be different?

Hypothetically, it would be Adam as the Father who would have a son, who would have a child, and so forth (assuming no one sinned). There is no change so far; these sons and daughters would marry with no need for “incest law” or fear of genetic problems.

Adam lived to be 930 years old (Gen. 5:5), but had he not sinned then he would still be alive today. Where would all these “children” live?  How would it be different since heaven is where the believers go upon death, and there will be a new heaven and a new earth (Rev. 21 ff.) in the future – How does Genesis help us to understand the family?

  • In a sinless hypothetical world there are still families (perfectly designed to produce children) – How many children would they have?
  • These families are all related and live all over the earth, perfectly living in harmony together.
  • Together they would work to have dominion over the earth.

If Adam had not sinned ‘Edens’ borders would expand to encompass the world. Would the fruit of life be exported? Does this fruit have seed? Could it have been harvested among the nations?

  • In heaven people do not have children nor are they given in marriage (Matt. 22). But in this original utopia marriages would have lasted for eternity in Eden. How long would children have stayed at home before they were married and began families of their own? This is a reminder that children are a temporary stewardship, and we are not eternal “owners” of our children.

But here is the ultimate question, “how long would it have taken to “fill the earth?”’ They are not given the follow up command “and when it is full, stop.” If we assume eternal reproduction, eternal pregnancy, and no complications in Eden, Adam and Even would still be having babies. These children would have children, who would have children (exponentially forward). Surely, it would not take too long before the country sides would have turned to cities whose buildings would have reached the stars all over the earth.

Is it correct to say that God gave a command that He knew would not (or could not) be followed to its ultimate fulfillment? The earth has finite space, but the ability of a sinless mankind is capable of exponential growth. Eventually, there would be no more space. As mankind increased in number, the amount of earth to fill would have decreased. Eventually, the earth would be “full”  but mankind would have lived eternally. Would reproduction have been a temporary phenomenon?

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As with all hypothetical questions we are left with no answers, only supposition and “educated” guesses. God has however given us what He desires for us to know about Him & His plan in the Bible.

Just because we don’t know how it would have been done doesn’t mean that it could not be done. Remember that the Bible does tell us that we are “fallen” and that our entire being has been corrupted by sin (Genesis 2-3). For as many people read the creation, fall, redemption, and restoration story of the Bible they are “full” of questions and it seems that these questions go on exponentially. Since there are only so many pages of the Bible, we are given the information we need. God always has a plan, and even if we don’t always know how He will accomplish it, He will do it. We must acknowledge our fallenness and His love and perfection.

 

 

 

McDonalds, Customer Service, and the Church

The golden arches are a constant reminder of cheap food, cheap toys for the kids, a place to play, a bathroom stop when we travel, and has been a significant part of my life (more than I care to admit). There is no telling how many times I and my family have eaten there; so let’s just say I am a fan of Mickey-ds. However, Kimberly, the kids, and I went to our storage unit last Sunday afternoon to dig out some fall clothes and on our way back home we decided to stop by McDonalds for a “snack.” We walked into the restaurant where we were left to stand there for at least five to seven minutes. There were over a dozen people working, but all had their backs turned to us, and no one so much as looked at us. Some were within touching distance.  I consider myself a patient person, but after seven minutes going by without even so much as eye contact, I grew agitated. I began to feel as though I was being ignored and that my money was not even wanted. We passed the time asking the children what they wanted, asked them to pick out our seat, and even sent them to the bathroom to wash their hands, only to have them come back and find us still waiting, still no contact. And we were the only customers in line (or in the building).

When people don’t acknowledge your presence it goes directly to your feelings of worth. Am I and my family not worth so much as eye contact or a smile? It makes you feel invisible, as though people don’t really see you.

God says throughout the Scripture, “I see you.” When people are ignored they feel like they are considered to not exist, or that they are not valued, or even worth someone’s time to say “hello.” While God is a Spirit, and we can’t see Him, He speaks words that go to the very heart of our feelings of worth. Even when we go astray, he wants us to know that He see us. It is not a condemning look, but a look of concern and compassion. He wants us to know that we are worth His coming after us. [1]

Genesis 3:8-11 “And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. 9 But the Lord God called to the man and said to him, “Where are you?” 10 And he said, “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself.” 11 He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten of the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?”

Exodus 2:23 “During those many days the king of Egypt died, and the people of Israel groaned because of their slavery and cried out for help. Their cry for rescue from slavery came up to God. 24 And God heard their groaning, and God remembered his covenant with Abraham, with Isaac, and with Jacob. 25 God saw the people of Israel—and God knew.”

Jonah 4:10 “When God saw what they did, how they turned from their evil way, God relented of the disaster that he had said he would do to them, and he did not do it.”

And, ultimately, God saw our sinful condition of being separated from Him, He therefore did what was required to bring us back into a right relationship with Him.  John 3:16 “For God so loved the world,that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.”

God is always watching us, desiring to speak with us, and spend time with us. So, as His disciples, the most powerful tools you have to change the world are/is your time, your words, looking people in the eye, and a smile. Throwing money at people will not make them feel the love of Christ, but spending time with them, talking with them, acknowledging their presence goes a long way.

If someone would have said, “Hello, welcome to McDonalds, we are really busy right now, someone will be right with you” while they were smiling, I would wait all day (ok, significantly longer). I’m fine with waiting, I know in life things happen that are unexpected or need to rectified before things can be moved forward. But just don’t ignore me. Let me encourage you today to make a special effort to recognize, speak to, smile at, and even give an appropriate touch to everyone you can.

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In a place of business there is an expectation of being welcomed, even honored, taken care of, etc., but what about at church? What do people expect regarding “customer service” when they visit a church. Sadly, I believe the expectation is very low, but it would seem to me that since we know how God treats us, we as His image bearers would seek to reflect this same type if love and attention to others. With all that God has done to get our attention, seeking after us, and making us feel “special” should we not reflect this same level of love to others outside our congregations? But the best part, is that our most powerful way of doing this is free! It costs nothing to speak to someone, shake their hand, ask them how they are doing, telling them that you are glad they are there, or spending time with them.

I have been to too many churches where my presence there was like the McDonalds example given above. You walk in and no speaks to you, or even looks at you, when you sit down and no one seems to care that you are even there. This should not be, because this is not how God treats us. We were once strangers but now we are His children. Matthew 25:34-36 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, 36 I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’ “

[1] see Psalm 139

"For by grace you have been saved through faith." Ephesians 2:8

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