Drew Boswell

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When the Church Gets Children’s Ministry Wrong

In November of 2010 I posted a series of three articles that deal with security in the church and how important it is to the reputation of the Church and the safety of children. This is a topic in church life that can easily be overlooked or moved to a lower position of importance, in leu of more “urgent” matters. Here are the articles if you would like to review them.

Part One, Part Two, Part Three

The following is an article that I came across last week on AOL news. I am always shocked at what can happen in churches when there is poor leadership and policies and procedures are ignored. I have re-posted the story from AOL and then give a response below.

The Church Is It’s Own Worst Enemy

The AOL articles says, “The pastor and seven members of a small church in central Wisconsin have been charged with using wooden rods to spank infants as young as 2 months old for “being emotional, grumpy or crying,” the Dane County Sheriff’s office said.

The Aleitheia Bible Church, in the town of Black Earth, was started in 2006 with a donation in the range of $500,000-$600,000 from Bob and Lori Wick of nearby Mazomanie, according to a news release from the sheriff’s office. Lori Wick is the author of almost three dozen historical Christian novels with more than five million books in print, according to her Amazon profile. Reached by AOL News today by telephone at their home, Bob Wick said they “have no comment” on the case.

Publicists at Lori Wick’s publisher, Harvest House Publishers, did not immediately respond to emails from AOL News today for comment.

Philip & John Caminiti 

Dane County Sheriff’s Office Philip Caminiti, left, the pastor of Aleitheia Bible Church in Black Earth, Wis., and his brother, John Caminiti, 45, have been charged with a dozen counts of child abuse for allegedly using wooden rods to punish children.

The investigation into the Aleitheia Bible Church began last November, when former members contacted authorities with concerns about how children were being treated, according to the sheriff’s office.

Six church members pleaded innocent to charges of child abuse during an appearance Thursday in Dane County Circuit Court. They were booked and released.

Pastor Philip Caminiti, 53, and his brother, John Caminiti, 45, were charged with a dozen counts of child abuse last week and also pleaded innocent.

The victims included 12 children ranging in age from infancy to 6 years old, according to the sheriff’s office.

“During interviews with detectives, Phil expressed his belief that the Bible dictates the use of a rod over a hand to punish children. He stated that children only a few months old are ‘worthy’ of the rod and that by ‘one and a half months,’ a child is old enough to be spanked,” according to the sheriff’s office release.

“Throughout the investigation, the church members were open with detectives about their ‘Spare the rod, spoil the child’ philosophy. They described using wooden dowels and wooden spoons on the bare skin of children, starting as young as 2 months old,” the sheriff’s office said.

“If you spank early and it is done right, then kids will be happy and obedient,” Philip Caminiti said, according to the criminal complaint.

According to the sheriff’s office, the dowels were described as being 12-18 inches long with a diameter about the size of a quarter. The parents told detectives that “redness and bruising” were the “common effects of the spankings.”

“One person described the children being emotional, grumpy or crying as behaviors that would constitute a spanking with a dowel,” according to the sheriff’s office.

Three sets of parents are among the six others charged, including two of Philip Caminiti’s children and their spouses: Matthew Caminiti, 27, and his wife, Alina, 24; and Maria J. Stephenson, 29, and her husband, Timothy, 28. Also charged are Andrea L. Wick, 26, and Timothy J. Wick, 27.

The children often were punished when they cried or failed to sit still during church services, a former church member told authorities. “Phil was very strict about children being quiet during church,” the complaint states.”

Here’s a link to the actual story.

A Response

What About the “Lost” Who Will Read This Article?

Can you imagine living in Wisconsin (or any other state for that matter) and opening up this article in web browser or newspaper? What if you had just finally convinced your husband or parents that church was “ok” and that the local Baptist church down the road might be worth checking out? These kinds of stories really give the church and it’s leaders a bad wrap, but the sad part of the story is that it’s true. The pastors don’t even try to defend themselves or their actions. They even use the Bible to try and justify their unwise at best and abusive at worst actions.

Also, what about the law enforcement officers and social workers who have to come in and deal with this mess? If they are not believers or have never experienced a healthy church, then this greatly taints their view of Christ, the Church, and Christians.

How will These Children (and their parents) Respond To The Church In the Future?

The issue of abuse is a big part of this story, but it’s not the only issue. What about the children who have to endure these actions — do we really think that when they are old enough to drive that they will hop in their cars and drive to church. I don’t think so. These leaders are driving people away from the church by the droves.

What is the Church Supposed to Do With “emotional, grumpy or crying” Children?

Love them. Teach them. Encourage them. But don’t beat them! It is not the church’s responsibility to discipline children, it is the parent’s. Church leaders should always bring “issues” to the parents attention and let them resolve it. It is the church’s role to guide, assist, support, pray for, and educate — but never the take over the responsibility of discipline or any other parenting responsibility (including teaching).  These critical responsibilities should never be abdicated by parents, nor assumed by the church.

What About Spanking?

Whatever you believe about spanking and children, it is the parent’s prerogative and should be left up to the parent’s to decide how they will disciple their children. Not all children should be disciplined the same way (I will leave this comment for another article). A parent is a far better judge of how to do this since they spend more than one hour, one day a week with the child. The church is not equipped with the proper information nor do they bear the responsibility for discipline.

Therefore, the church should never institute capital punishment of any kind because of the issues mentioned above. Their policy for discipline should be in writing, and the parent’s should be fully aware of the policy. So parents make sure you ask about a church’s discipline policy before you put your kids in any church’s program. And church, if you have not discussed this issue, you may want to do it soon before you are sued, or a child is hurt on your watch.

 

 

 

The Leader’s Toolbox; The Importance of Plan “B”

A Gift Card For Christmas

A few Christmases ago I received a Sears gift card and it was not too many days later that I was standing in the CRAFTSMAN section. I love to meander through the Craftsman tool section. It’s hard to explain the feeling of tools and their potential to build things.  I was there for what seemed hours and went up and down the aisles looking at everything from screwdrivers to commercial table saws, sockets to tool boxes, things that I have no idea what they do, to other things that I have no idea what they do.

I had several salespeople ask me if I needed any assistance, and I said, “no, just looking, thanks.” And I was really looking – but I was looking for a tool in my price range that I didn’t already own.  You see, my father since the time I was young bought me tools for birthdays and Christmases so that by the time I had a family and home, I had enough tools to do basic repairs around the home.  So I really didn’t need any more tools.

So here I was, looking for a tool to do a job in the future, that I don’t even know what the job would even be!  Would something break on my car that would necessitate a special wrench to get the part off? Would we get a hole in a pipe that would require a soldering torch? Would Uncle Hoo Pop fall through the ceiling that would require a dry wall square and various trowels and dry wall paste? Who knows what is going to happen?

When Plans Fail

Last Thursday we had the local Brunswick Pack 277 Cub Scout Pack Meeting. This is where all the boys of all the age grades gather together once a month. We had planned the evening out at the Committee Planning Meeting earlier in the month. I volunteered to lead the night since we do not have a Cub Master. It is (kinda) required that once a year, at a pack meeting that a “Friend of Scouting” representative be allowed to give a sales pitch for giving to Scouts (above and beyond your dues). The year before, the representative talked for about twenty-thirty minutes (or at least it seemed that long).

At the time to start our meeting, there was no FOS representative, so I began. We went through the Pledge of Allegiance, and various other scouting program items, and by the time I was finished, the representative had arrived and I introduced him. In my mind this would take us to the end of the meeting, and all I would need to do would be to wrap things up. But do you know how long he talked? Less than five minutes.

As he neared the end of his presentation, which was over as soon as he began, I suddenly realized that we still had about thirty minutes left to our meeting. Sure we could end early, but not this early.  All eyes were on me . . .

Have you ever been in a situation where what you had planned just didn’t work? You ended way too early? The game is not working? The craft lasted about two minutes, but you thought it would take twenty?  The FOS presenter ends way too early? Did I mention the FOS guy ended way too early! Sure, we all have.

Back to Sears – Spend the Gift Card

So let’s go back to Sears.  In whatever trade you are in, or role you play, we all have “tools” in our toolboxes. These are skills, stunts, tricks that we learn to do what we do, and do it well.  But we must constantly add tools to the toolbox. You can’t fix every problem with a screwdriver. You can’t cut glass with a hammer.

If you work with kids, then a tool may be a new game that you can pull out when the first activity sinks like the Titanic.  If you are a public speaker, it could be a story, a joke, or a sermon that you keep on you all the time. If you are a magician, it may be a trick. But whatever it is, you are prepared so that no matter what happens you always have some way to keep going (even if things seem to be falling apart).

So as you meander through the aisles at Sears, what tools can you add to your toolbox that will help you in your trade? As the years go by, you will add more and more tools, so that eventually you will have a toolbox full of “stuff,” so that there’s not many things that could happen that will stop you. Even when you know that you are running on “Plan B, C. or even D” they will never even know the difference.

I have some tools that I have yet to use (like these pick things, a mirror on a extendable stick, a spark plug socket, etc.) but that’s ok. You may have tools that you haven’t used yet, and that’s ok. We are talking about continually seeking to add to your knowledge base, skills, and bringing your stress level down by being over-prepared.  So spend the gift card, it’s not doing you any good if it expires, gets lost, or slides around in your desk drawer.

Happy Shopping.

The Leader as an Engineer

As a leader, there is nothing more satisfying than to have an idea, putting together a plan, and then seeing that plan executed with a good result. The whole process is challenging, fun, and fulfilling – but far more important than feelings about the process, is how God uses leaders to effectively change their organizations (preferably for the better).

Change is one of those things that happens in life that few people enjoy. However, organizations have a choice. Either they facilitate change intentionally or they simply respond to the change that occurs around them and allow it to dictate the course of their ministry. The leader is either engineering for change, or she is reacting to events as they happen, therefore losing the ability to control the outcome of ministry.

Before we discuss the leader as an engineer further, there is an organic leadership principle that must be understood – healthy growth requires change. [1] I have four children, and my family is constantly throwing clothes into what we call the “too small pile.” As we do laundry weekly, there are items of clothes that get tossed into this pile in our bedroom. But what if all of our four children stayed the same size forever? Would they be healthy? No. While growth is not the only indicator of health, it is definitely an important one.[2]

Mark Driscoll said in regard to change in the church “Growth causes change, change causes complexity, complexity causes chaos, chaos causes concern, concern causes conflict.” [3]  There are issues other than growth that push organizations toward feeling the pinch to change. But if the need for change goes unanswered by leaders then things will not stay the same – change is inevitable. If you can identify the need, and strategically plan ahead through prayer, Bible study, and consultation then you can also control the steps that follow.

For example, using Driscoll’s steps, if you are at the “change causes complexity” stage, then you can seek to organize the complexity and take steps to deal with this change – it does not have to lead to the next step of chaos.

But if you find yourself in chaos in ministry (which is not a fun place to be), you must recognize that people tend to deal with prolonged chaos in one of two ways: (1) apathy – they will eventually quit caring, trying, growing, and just focus on their world and what they can control (2) conflict – out of concern for control people try to initiate their own agendas.

It is the leadership’s role to provide a plan (i.e. strategy to deal with the change, complexity, chaos, and concern) before it leads to apathy (decline and loss of momentum), or conflict. The key theme or main issue that would result from this would be managing or engineering the systems of your organization for change.

Can you take the overall confusion of what your organization does, and break it down into manageable pieces? If we were to use the church as an example, Nelson Searcy identifies eight systems, and then organizes the church according to these eight systems (Sunday morning, finance, outreach/marketing, small groups, assimilation, leadership, ministry, and strategy).[4]

Breaking the organization, and what you do, into bite size pieces also allows you to continually evaluate how you are doing in those specific areas. If you were to ask, “How are we doing?” and someone were to respond “ok, I guess.” This response is not very helpful. But if you were to ask, “How are doing with welcoming new guests?” Then this would be much easier to evaluate and get specific feedback.

So, sit down, pray, and plan for change – how are you going to engineer for a better organization? What are the areas that can be grouped into “bite-sized” pieces for easier management? Remember it’s about making a difference in peoples lives, not keeping everything calm, and everyone happy.

 

[1] Michael J. Anthony and James Estep Jr. ed. Management Essentials for Christian Ministers (Nashville, Tenessee: Broadman and Holman), 201.

[2] When we say “growth” often times, leaders think numerical growth. This is only one of several types of growth that can take place in an organization. One of the most important types of growth is personal spiritual growth. Are the people in your church growing in their relationship with Christ? If not, then while you may be growing numerically, you are headed for a serious storm ahead.

[3] Mark Driscoll and Gerry Breshears. Vintage Church (Wheaton, Illinois: Crossway, 2008), 148.

[4] www.churchleaderinsights.com

Matthew 8:23-27 “The Broken Box; Jesus Calms the Storm”

VID00014 from Drew Boswell on Vimeo.

The Broken Box;
Jesus Calms the Storm

Matthew 8:23-27

I. Jesus Always Takes His Disciples on a Journey (vv. 23)
• Luke 14:26, 33

II. Jesus Always Puts His Disciples In Positions of Growth (v. 24-26a)
• Genesis 3:17-19
• 1 Kings 18:20-21, 27

III. Jesus Always Wins (vv. 26b-27)
• 2 Corinthians 12:7-8
• Matthew 7:21-23

My Next Steps:
1. Memorize Matthew 8:25-26
2. When was the last time you felt Christ took you on a journey? Have you gotten into the boat, or do you prefer to stand on the shore? Take time this week to seek Christ for the express purpose of seeing if you are truly following Christ.
3. Tell someone who is not a follower of Christ what you have learned today, and how Jesus is taking you on a journey.
4. “Why are you Afraid?” Do you have an area of your life where you have fear, pray to Christ and ask Him to give you courage and boldness. Then step out in faith.
5. Jesus may be leading you to do something that has not been listed, write it down, and ask someone to hold you accountable to do this next step.

Love is More Important than Winning

One Person Really Can Make A Difference in a Person’s Life

Tonight we moved ever closer to the end of the basketball season. Tomorrow is the grand finale and awards, but tonight was an especially fun evening. Joshua and Caleb play on different teams and finally they played each other, and yes they were paired to guard each other as well. There was some excessive pushing and fouls were called (on both boys). But brother against brother soon waned as the focus of the evening.

One thing that was especially special was how the coach of Joshua’s team really tried to help and love Joshua. You see, he has not scored a basket all season, so tonight no one shot the ball except Joshua. The coach instructed the boys to always pass to Joshua and that they were to do so, until he got a basket. Well, Joshua shot, and shot, and shot, and shot, and did not get a basket until the last few seconds were on the clock. As the score board neared zero the coach was yelling for the score keepers and score board operator to stop the clock.

When he finally got the basket (at two seconds) all the parents lining the wall shouted and cheered, and Joshua smiled as big as I have ever seen him smile. He finally got a basket. What really was special what the coach who wasn’t concerned with winning, because who would really remember that this little boy’s team won against another little boy’s team on a Saturday afternoon, after twenty other games had been played that same day? They don’t even remember who won last week.

But Joshua will remember this night for the rest of his life, and how he finally got a basket, and how his coach loved him enough to have the team rally around him, support him, and love him. Love is more important than winning because it lasts so much longer.

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"For by grace you have been saved through faith." Ephesians 2:8

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