“Living Hope”
A Sermon Series Through 1 Peter
“Wives and Husbands: Part One, Wives”
1 Peter 3:1-6
Introduction
Now that Peter has introduced why he is writing the letter and to whom, he then turns to particular groups within the church. First addressing household servants or slaves, then turning to Christian wives, specifically those whose husbands were not saved. The wife has become a believer, and the husband is not. How then does a wife reach her husband for Christ? Then Peter turns to Christian Husbands and how they are to live.
The Christian marriage is the God-given picture of salvation. There is leadership, submission, roles lived out, both seeking a healthy relationship with God, seeking the same life goals, both pulling in the same direction, based on the same core values. When the world looks at the Christian marriage it should get a glimpse of Jesus and the transformation that takes place in a believer’s heart, especially in the way that the husband and wife interact with each other.
Christian Wives Described (vv. 1-6)
Before we jump into today’s passage, you “can’t claim the Bible to be the source of authority, while at the same time declaring that particular biblical teachings reflect sinful chauvinistic attitudes imposed upon the church by the Apostles.”[1] Or to say, that the traditional way of interpreting a section of text was wrong, so you seek to reinterpret them in such a way that matches the culture of today.
Peter writes six verses pointed toward wives and one verse toward men as husbands. Why such a unequal weight if it is not “chauvinistic attitudes imposed upon the church by the Apostles,”? In Peter’s day, when a wife became a Christian, the potential for difficulty was much greater than it was if the husband became a believer.
In that society when women, who were viewed as inferior to men, became Christians without their husbands also becoming saved, the likelihood of his being embarrassed and shamed by what was viewed as an act of defiance by his wife, was predictable, as was the conflict subsequently generated.”[2] The wife stops worshipping the gods of the household, specifically her husband, and now worships Jesus. This put them in a most difficult situation.
Submissive to Her Husband (vv. 1-2)
Likewise[3], wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct.
(v. 1) “even if some do not obey the word,” – the idea here is that the wife has presented the gospel, the truth of Jesus, and the husband has rejected the gospel. Instead of quoting Scripture and trying to persuade by arguing, or nagging him to follow Christian teachings (like going to church, giving, etc.) Peter encourages Christian wives to win them by holy living, “they may be won without a word (her spoken word, not the Word of God).” They had already heard and rejected the gospel – now the wives attitude and example would do the rest of the work of drawing the husband to Christ.[4]
This does not do away with Paul’s teaching not to be married to by choice a non-believer, 2 Corinthians 6:14-17 “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? 15 What accord has Christ with Belial?2 Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? 16 What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said, “I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. 17 Therefore go out from their midst, and be separate from them, says the Lord, and touch no unclean thing; then I will welcome you, 18 and I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty.” It is foolish to ignore God’s clear teaching on who you should and should not marry.
Can’t she just divorce him and find a Christian husband? No, 1 Corinthians 7:13, “If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him.”
But Peter is writing here to a married woman who, after marriage, she becomes a believer. How then can she convince her husband to also become a follower of Jesus, especially after he has heard the gospel and rejected it? So first off, this is wives (married women) to their specific husbands. So it is not all women are to submit or adorn themselves with submission to all men. This is specifically wives toward their (chosen) husbands.
Colossians 3:18 says, “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.”
Ephesians 5:22-24 says, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.”
Titus 2:4 “Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, 4 and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.”
We see the opposite of this in Proverbs 19:13; 27:15 “. . . a wife’s quarreling is a continual dripping of rain.” . . . “A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike;” When there is no submission, only the butting of heads, it makes the marriage torture for the man. This submission does not mean that “a wife has to always agree with her husband, as here she differs on the most important issue of all: the gospel of Jesus Christ.”[5]
Adorned With A Changed Heart (vv. 3-5)
3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord.[6]
Then as Peter’s argument continues on how a Christian woman can persuade her husband toward Christ, he turns to her appearance. Instead of depending on her outward appearance to persuade him, she should turn inward and put on “a gentle and quiet spirit.” If she focuses on the “external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear,” How is she any different than the world, or ungodly women? And eventually those things fade, they are corruptible. It also does not mean an excessive movement in the opposite direction toward a puritanical plain appearance.
1 Timothy 2:9-13 “. . . likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, 10 but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works. 11 Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness. 12 I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. 13 For Adam was formed first, then Eve; 14 and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor.”
The word used here for “adornment” is the translation of the Greek word kosmos which is refers to the adornment of the ornaments worn by women. The word itself refers to an ordered system, namely a system where order prevails. The word that is opposite of kosmos is chaos, which means “a rude unformed mass.” How a Christian wife adorns herself starts in the heart, and expresses itself outwardly as submission to her husband in a gentle and quiet spirit toward her husband (as is ordered by creation[7]).
Remember, Peter’s whole point is how a Christian woman shares her faith (specifically to her husband), “Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart” If you seek to win others to Lord by how you do your hair, how you dress, the jewelry you wear – but have no heart change it will land as false. The focus is in the wrong place.
Our English word “masquerade” fits this idea, “When Christian women adorn themselves in the haircuts of the world, copy the world’s lavish and gaudy display of jewelry, and don the apparel of the world, they are masquerading in the garments of the world. They are in the language of the Greeks, hypocrites, acting like the world and the world thinks them to be people of the world. Then when they come with the news of the gospel, their message falls on deaf ears.”[8]
Peter is comparing what is perishable beauty (gold), with what is imperishable (a quiet spirit, the hidden person of the heart); gold and silver go away, but the condition of your soul is eternal. Show your husband how Jesus has changed your heart. Notice, the “be subject to your husband,” and “gentle and quiet spirit” are on the inside. You can hide submission, you can fake it, just as you can fake being a Christian – and look to outward displays to hide a false attitude.
The world’s first clothing
After Adam and Eve ate of the forbidden fruit, Genesis 3:7-10 “Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths. 8 And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. 9 But the Lord God called to the man and said to him, “Where are you?” 10 And he said, “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself.” The purpose of Adam and Eve sewing leaves together was to cover their shame which came after they sinned, later God provided them clothes, Genesis 3:21 “And the Lord God made for Adam and for his wife garments of skins and clothed them.” Through the death and shed blood of an animal Adam and Eve’s sin and shame was covered. Which eventually would point to Jesus’ blood being shed for the covering of all sin.
When Peter says, “Do not let your adorning be external,” This is like Adam and Eve covering themselves with sewed fig leaves, it is man’s attempt to deal with his shame and sin. Instead, God has provided the way for our sin to be done away with forever through Jesus, that heart change then affects how we present ourselves to the world (and to our spouses). People can look to the world to try and cover their sin, or they can through our relationship with Christ cover our shame.
For the Christian, especially the Christian woman, how do you display Jesus in your life? Do you focus on the outward (gold, braiding of the hair, jewelry – your effort to appear a certain way), or do you accept what Jesus has done in your spirit and allow it to shine through your behavior. It’s easy to put on and take off jewelry – a changed life is also easy to display, but it doesn’t come off.
There is a saying, “whatever you do to get them, you have to keep doing to keep them.” If a church says “come and be apart of our church because we are cool like the world, see how we dress, see the jewelry we wear, see how we adorn ourselves (totally outward focused), then pivot and talk about “holiness, purity, compassion, modesty, sacrificial giving, (inward changes of the heart)” we will lose them. Car dealers call that “a bait and switch.”
Peter then gives a historical example of Sarah, “For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord” quoting from Genesis 18:12 “So Sarah laughed to herself, saying, “After I am worn out, and my lord is old, shall I have pleasure?” referring to the coming birth of Isaac. “This comment was a mere aside; she was talking to herself, and there was is no indication that she intended Abraham or anyone else to hear her.”[9] We are spectators to her inward feelings about her husband. Peter’s point is that women of history submitted to their husbands, and as children of Sarah (those who live by faith in God), will follow her example and submit to their husbands.
But her submission was not to a perfect man who always got life right – he told her to say she was his sister and lie to the pharaoh of Egypt which ended badly. Abraham listened to Sarah’s bad advice and had a child with Hagar. As a couple, they didn’t always get it right, but they both loved the Lord and sought to serve Him. Abraham and Sarah both loved the Lord and had faith in God. They are an example of a godly couple who believed God’s Word. That Christian way of life id passed down from generation to generation.
Active In Her Christian Walk (v. 6)
And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.
(v. 6) “do good . . .” is to do God’s will. 1 Peter 2:15 “For this is the will of God, that by doing good . . .”“. . . and do not fear” – “alludes to Proverbs 3:25 “Do not be afraid of sudden terror . . .,” The idea is that Christian woman are not to let nothing terrifying frighten them from their course. “frightening or intimidating could include and individual or experience posing a threat to one’s well-being (Prov. 3:25), it is likely that the danger posed by unbelieving husbands is what Peter has particularly in mind”[10] “The wife has to hold to her new Christian confession and practice, whatever threats may be leveled against her.”[11]
“you do what is good and have no fear in doing so” – “the wife is to do what is appropriate for her as a Christian even within the confines of a marriage to a non-Christian husband, a husband who may use fear and intimidation in the attempt to compel activity inappropriate for her as a Christian.”[12] She then becomes an example of how we are to live as Christians in a culture that may be hostile to Christ’s teachings – we get along as best we can, in as many areas of life as we can, we live at peace – and we don’t compromise on the areas where to do so would be against the will of God. And we try to evangelize where we can use words, and where we can’t we let others see how Christ has changed our hearts.
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[1] R. C. Sproul, 1-2 Peter: An Expositional Commentary, 1 Peter (Sanford, Florida; Ligonier Ministries, 2019) 74.
[2] John MacArthur, The MacArthur New Testament Commentary, 1 Peter (Chicago, Illinois; Moody Publishers, 2004) 175.
[3] MacArthur, 177. “Likewise” refers back to the two previous mentioned examples of submission; citizens to civil authorities (2:13) and servants to masters (2:18). But “correspondingly” may be better because it suggests the responsibilities are not identical, but nevertheless associated in some way. Dubis, 84.
[4] Kenneth S. Wuest, First Peter in the Greek New Testament (Grand Rapids, Michigan; WM B Eerdmans Publishing Company, 1960) 73.
[5] Sam Storms, ESV Expository Commentary, Volume 12: Hebrews-Revelation (Wheaton, Illinois; Crossway Publishing, 2018) 332.
[6] See Isaiah 3:16ff. adornment stripped away as judgement.
[7] See 1 Timothy 2:9-13.
[8] Kenneth S. Wuest, First Peter in the New Testament (Grand Rapids, Michigan; Wm B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 1960) 77.
[9] Storm, 333.
[10] Storm, 333.
[11]Paul J. Achtemeier, Hermenia, 1 Peter, A Commentary on First Peter (Minneapolis, Minnesota; Fortress Press, 1996) 208.
[12] Achtemeier, 217.
