Drew Boswell

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How to Deal With Disappointing Other People

There were two occasions this past week where I disappointed two groups of people. One was completely out of my control, and the other was because of a decision that Kimberly and I made that was best for our family. In leadership, ministry, and life in general there will be times when you make a decision that will disappoint others. They may not have personally benefitted from what you chose not to do, they may feel the other option is a more favorable choice, or they simply just don’t agree with you and the decision that you made. As much as you may try to avoid disappointing others it seems to be unavoidable.

So here are some things to keep in mind as you go through the fallout of your decision making process.

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1) Keep the lines of communication open. Nothing causes anger and mistrust more than when a person stops or avoids talking with other people. “Checking out” when things are getting sticky is not the way to go, and the issue is still going to be there whenever you decide to “check back in.” As best as you are able, keep the conversation going (as long as it is not one of anger or arguing). As uncomfortable as the situation may be, you have to stay engaged and see it all the way through.

2) Give people information . Try your best to explain the process of how you reached the decision and why. They may not agree with or like the decision that you have made but at least they know why you did what you did. People naturally tend to read things into the empty places where they lack information. Give them the pieces of the puzzle to enable them to see how you put the pieces of the decision together.

3) Try to repair the Relationship. If you know that your decision has angered other people, disappointed them, or in some way damaged your relationship with them, make the effort to restore it. Pray and seek wisdom from the Holy Spirit as to the timing and how you should do this. We are not talking about changing the decision or in some way weakening it, only that you want the relationship and friendships to be restored.

Matthew 5:23-24 “So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.”

4) Learn From Your Mistakes. Every decision is made as you undergo a process. Like chess pieces on a board, one move leads to another, where eventually your options are narrowed and you must make a final decision. But at each move along the way, there are areas of learning. If you undergo a similar situation in the future, what could you learn from this experience? Where could you along the way have made the decision making process easier? less confrontational?

Albert Einstein once said, “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”

5)  Clearly Understand Your Priorities. In every person’s mind there should be a clear line of how you prioritize your life. Then when decisions need to be made, you can run your decisions through this matrix. My priorities are as followed:

a. God, b. Wife, c. Children/Family d. Ministry, e. Church/Family f. Friends & other relationships.

So if a decision needs to be made that would affect my friends in a positive way, but my family in a negative way then I would choose against it. For example, because of my ministry I have limited time left in a given week. So, I would not have a “guys night out” right now in my life because I feel I need to be at home with my family (which comes higher in my priority list). If you keep this order clear in your life, then you will end up disappointing people, but it won’t be those who matter most to you (and who you have a personal responsibility to God for their care).

1 Timothy 1:3-4 “Staying Focused”

Today there are a host of products that will help you to stay focused (five-hour energy drink, Red Bull, or my favorite Mountain Dew) — we are a society that is obsessed with staying awake and focused. Paul in the early church is concerned that Christians would not have this same devotion to alertness. Not only should we be awake and alert, but we must also concern ourselves with what we concentrate our time and efforts toward. He says to Timothy in 1 Timothy 1:3-4 “As I urged you when I was going to Macedonia, remain at Ephesus so that you may charge certain persons not to teach any different doctrine, 4 nor to devote themselves to myths and endless genealogies, which promote speculations rather than the stewardship from God that is by faith. (ESV)”  Timothy is charged in these verses with staying in Ephesus in order to (1) prevent different doctrines from being taught and (2) to prevent the people from devoting themselves to things that promote “speculations.” These are discussions that do not lead to the “stewardship from God.”

What is the “stewardship of God” that comes by faith? The Christians that are at Ephesus (and everywhere else for that matter) are to devote themselves to the Gospel. A Christian’s focus is to stay laser focused on “the stewardship” given to them by God, and how we live out and proclaim this gospel. We are not to get caught up in any speculations that may cause division over these far secondary issues.  We are to be absolutely united in sharing this responsibility that is of eternal importance.

Remember leader, our job is to keep God’s people focused on right doctrine and their stewardship of the gospel in their lives. We are not to be led away into endless discussion about “what ifs” or speculations that have no way of determining truth or proper conclusions. It’s ok not to know how many angels can dance on the head of a needle, or how the dinosaurs fit into Noah’s Ark. The real question of a Christian’s speech is, “how does this glorify God and expand His gospel to mankind? There seems to be people in the church at Ephesus who love to sit around and debate, but do little to share to gospel to the lost world around them. In fact, Timothy, has to stay and “oversee” the church to make sure that these individuals don’t derail it from why it was established in the first place.

The text seems to indicate that devoting oneself to foolish things, and listening to foolish teaching promotes wrong behavior. So be careful where you allow your eyes, ears, and heart to go, for all of these things affect our faithfulness to the stewardship given to us. May we remind each other regularly of this responsibility, and not allow our discussions to get away from the sound doctrine of the Bible, and how the gospel can be spread throughout the world.

Melchizedek and Tithing

At seventy years of age Abram and 318 of his best men went out to rescue his nephew Lot who had been kidnapped and taken as plunder. After defeating several nation’s armies with relatively few men, he is met in a valley by a priest name Melchizedek. We do not know much about this man other than “He was priest of God Most High.” Abram recognizes the priest’s ties to God, and presents to him a tenth of all that was gained as a result of the conflict.

Genesis 14:17-20 “After his return from the defeat of Chedorlaomer and the kings who were with him, the king of Sodom went out to meet him at the Valley of Shaveh (that is, the King’s Valley). 18 And Melchizedek king of Salem brought out bread and wine. (He was priest of God Most High.) 19 And he blessed him and said,“Blessed be Abram by God Most High, Possessor of heaven and earth; 20 and blessed be God Most High, who has delivered your enemies into your hand!” And Abram gave him a tenth of everything.”

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Why does Abram give Melchizadek a tithe of what was gained from the conflict?

1) He is affirming the priest’s words that what he had is from the hand of the Lord. It was the Lord that allowed him with 318 men to defeat vast armies from multiple countries. We tithe therefore to recognize that the words the priests of God are true — we affirm their words by giving. The gathering of the Church in regular worship and teaching should be a place where hearing and learning the truth of God is paramount. We recognize the importance of this truth in our own lives and in the life of our community by tithing. It is shameful for churches that accurately and faithfully teach and preach the Bible to not be able to pay its bills because the membership have placed other priorities in their lives. God’s truth must be proclaimed around the world, and it is the local church’s resources that God uses to mobilize this effort.

2) We tithe as a way of recognizing and affirming that God has given us what we have and not the strength of our own hand. It is just as foolish for us to claim that we have earned everything we have as it would be for Abram (the seventy-year-old) to claim he and his few men defeated the vast armies of multiple countries all by themselves. We take a sabbath to recognize this same truth — we could work seven days a week and (in our own minds) potentially have more, but God says to take a day of rest and trust in Him to make up the difference. We trust Him and follow his ways, and we give a tenth of our “winnings” to show Him that we recognize that it is Him who gave it to us (or allowed us to win the battle.)

When we do not tithe we are not affirming the truth within our churches (talk  is cheap), and we are not recognizing that it was God who gave it to us in the first place. If you cannot support what is being taught in your church, then find another church. If you believe that all you have is because of all of your hard work, then you are blind to those truths being taught by your priests.

"For by grace you have been saved through faith." Ephesians 2:8

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