Drew Boswell

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Career Sabotage: Fear of Success

images1Paulo Coelho in the introduction of The Alchemist discusses four ways that people “fail to confront their dreams”[1] (or one’s personal calling). The first way is that people are told from childhood that what they are seeking to do is impossible for them. People often do not try because there is a voice in their head that says, “you can’t do it.” It may be an echo from childhood, or the way they speak to themselves where they say, “stupid, ugly, fat, and who do you think you are?”

The second reason is love; we have those in our lives that are resistant to us leaving them behind in order to pursue the dream. Coelho says, “We do not realize that those that genuinely wish us well, want us to be happy and are prepared to accompany us on that journey.” There will be times when a person may want to grow and those around them are not ready for them to change. They fear that they won’t be loved anymore, or that when they depart for this new journey that they will not return (either in the physical or in the way we grow as people).

There may also be financial obligations where support for a family or spouse and this commitment may outweigh one’s personal desire for exploration. It may just have to wait to a more opportune time.

Third is the fear of defeat. We cease trying to fight for our dream and stop reaching for it because we believe that we will fail. Similar to number one but different in that we may set out on this new journey but are willing to take set backs as a way to quit. We say to ourselves, “well, I tried.” If you don’t really try, then you don’t really fail.

Then the fourth way that we fail to confront our dreams is that we fear that we will actually achieve it. Coelho quotes Oscar Wilde where he said, “Each man kills the thing he loves.” We ask ourselves, “what if I am actually successful.” There is a scene in the book where the protagonist is working for a merchant who sells crystal. In their discussions it is discovered that the boy is on a journey toward his life’s calling and the merchant has always wanted to go to Mecca as an act of worship.

The protagonist, by working for the merchant, has brought renewed business and success to the shop owner. Before this newfound success the storeowner has always been able to say that he could not afford to travel, or could not leave the shop, etc. But now he has the ability to go to Mecca but has come to realize that he really doesn’t want to have the success.

The boy didn’t know what to say. The old man continued, “You have been a real blessing to me. Today, I understand something I didn’t see before: every blessing ignored becomes a curse. I don’t want anything else in life. But you are forcing me to look at wealth and at horizons I have never known. Now that I see them, and now that I see how immense the possibilities are, I’m going to feel worse that I did before you arrived. Because I know the things I should accomplish, and I don’t want to do so.”[2]

___________________________

Fear of Success

“I have known a lot of people who, when their personal calling was within their grasp, went on to commit a series of stupid mistakes and never reached their goal, when it was only a step away.”

— The Alchemist

There are things that I have seen leaders do, and I myself have done, that when “success” is within grasp or is appearing on the horizon have done things or made decisions that have sabotaged that success (consciously or subconsciously).

Why would a person do things that would sabotage their own success?

  1. Fear of Leadership. They don’t like the idea of moving from the crowd to standing alone as the leader. It may mean having more resources, money, power, etc. than those around them, so they take actions that will keep them on the same level as their friends, workmates, family members, etc.

The idea of leaving home or moving away from loved ones in order to make our next career move may seem scary so they are unwilling to take the steps required to move forward.

  1. Not Feeling Worthy of Success. Some struggle with the idea of seeing themselves as successful. They may say they want this, but just can’t see it in their mind’s eye because their self-image won’t let them. It may be a form of self-punishment where they keep themselves from success in order to punish themselves because of previous sins.
  1. Fear of Change. Success brings changes in life. But you can never predict how these changes will affect your life, so you decide that it is better to stay with what you know instead of advancing toward what you don’t .
  1. Fear of Embarrassment. If you never try to climb the mountain, then you will never have to deal with the embarrassment of only getting half-way up the mountain. If you don’t try, then you won’t fail. There are many very talented people who because they fear they will be embarrassed never step on the stage and try.
  1. Feeling Trapped. There are those in positions of responsibility that feel trapped and because of emotional immaturity don’t know how to get out. They don’t want others to look to them as a leader. They do not want to carry the weight of leadership, so they sabotage their position so they can just “be normal.”

Often times these individuals don’t know how to get out from under this weight in a healthy manner so they do something destructive (an affair, embezzlement, hurt themselves, etc.) in an effort to cut themselves off from this feeling of being suffocated.

  1. Loving the Journey. If you actually achieve the goal, cross the finish line, make the sell, etc. (choose your best metaphor) then the journey is over, you are now successful in your life. As long as you were seeking the goal then you know where the path leads and what is involved on the journey. There are some people who become bored once they have what they want.

There must always be a mountain to climb. As long as they are preparing to climb, or are on the side of the mountain then they are happy. They love the journey, and may even sabotage the achievement (or at least delay it) because, for them, the climb is why they are doing it; the end result is really not important to them.

Whatever the reason may be for intentionally or unintentionally wrecking one’s career, it is worth the time to sit down and ask “where am I going?” “What are my immediate life goals?” (And) “Am I doing something consciously or subconsciously to keep those goals from happening?”

_______________________

[1] Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist (New York, New York; Harper Collins, 1993) v-vi.

[2] Ibid. 58.

[3] Seth Godin and his discussion of the Lizard Brain. We sabotage our success because of our survival instincts drive us to be safe (start at 9:19).

Seth Godin: Quieting the Lizard Brain from 99U on Vimeo.

Big Ideas and Bumps in the Road (Part One)

imagesA goal began to develop in my mind last year when my wife and I went to a Children’s Ministry conference in Orlando, FL. We noticed that there were many people wearing medals from running in a marathon, and half-marathon. I began to think of all my attempts to get into shape and how they had slumped off after six to eight weeks of going to the gym. Something had always come up that broke my workout routine and it would be months before I would go back, where I would essentially start over. I realized that I needed a goal, something to work towards. My plan was finalized when at Centri-kid camp where I had forgotten something in my room and had to “run” back and get it. When I had run approximately 100 yards and was very winded, I thought, “I have got to get back into shape.”

_________________________________________________________________

So, I have a goal of running a half-marathon in January at Disney in Orlando, Florida. I have been training over seventeen weeks and feel pretty confident that I will at least finish the race. In the last couple of months as my runs have gotten progressively longer my feet have begun to hurt so that I am hobbling around bent over in pain. My last long run was over a week ago and as I sit here writing my feet are throbbing. The condition is called Plantar Facetious (for more information go to http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0004438/).

So let me tell you about my “big idea” that I had over six months ago. The plan is to take the whole family down on Friday afternoon to Disney. Spend the night at Animal Kingdom Resort Hotel. I will get up and run the race early in the morning, then come back to the room, clean up, rest some, then afterwards hit Animal Kingdom at Disney when it opens, and then at some point in the evening drive back home. Sounds awesome, right?

We have already paid for the race, the hotel room, and will buy park tickets upon our arrival. I know it sounds exhausting, but I think this is a great way to get the whole family to be apart of the race, to go to Disney, and be able to do it with one nights stay. Christmas presents this year even revolved around this trip to Disney. But there is a looming issue of me not being able to walk after a long run (sometimes even for days afterward).

Unknown 1So, after some research (on Google of course) and being about two weeks from the race, I am going to try taping my feet before a long run. (There are some great youtube videos discussing the topic of taping). http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Z2XlqsuQSY

This seems to be the cheapest alternative, especially in light of limited time to solve this problem. My way of solving the problem so far has been not run, or to run shorter distances. This option does not help me to remain conditioned to where I need to be for the half-marathon. So I’m planning to try taping tomorrow for a long run (10 miles or so).

_________________________________________________________________

In leadership (and life) there will be some big goals or projects that you may attempt. If you are not attempting big things or big goals then you are not leading; you are maintaining. Leadership does involve maintenance and stability, but for the ultimate objective of moving the organization forward toward its purpose.  If there are no goals, or mountains to be climbed then work tends to be easily broken off by daily immediate concerns, and the organization can get derailed from its ultimate purpose. So, set some big goals, when problems arrive keep working at solutions until you have an answer, and finish the race.

To read the second part of this article click here.

 

The Importance of Master Planning (Part Two)

We will begin our master planning discussion with three simple questions:

  1. What do we want the children to know? (foundational knowledge)
  2. What do we want the children to do? (lifestyle choices, wisdom)
  3. Who do we want the children to be? (character and heart, who they are in their soul)

Then every decision and activity is shot through this screening matrix. If we begin with question 1, we will develop a scope and sequence of a given grade or group of students complete with learning objectives. They need to know what the Bible says, before they can ever begin to apply it to their lives.

The second question leads us to plan activities and lessons that will show them how to exhibit the lifestyle choices that will bring glory to God (i.e. a daily Bible study time, Scripture memory, service in the church, etc.) You could establish some organizational goals like the following for each child:

  • Have establish a series of habits in their lives that were not there before (daily quiet time, tithing, telling others of Christ, etc..)
  • Have gone on one mission trip/event every three years (for a total of two before they move to youth ministry)
  • Have a place of ministry in the church, which they do regularly.

The third question is much harder to evaluate and plan for, but as a children’s ministry we desire to guide children toward an ever increasing love for God. Their hearts should be changing (sanctification) as we guide them along life’s journey. Our ultimate goal is life change, where children love God more and more every day.

In your master planning (specifically children’s ministry) consider the following major areas:

Communication

  • Job descriptions
  • Newsletter
  • Who is working this Sunday? The next?
  • Parental idea of the week/how can parents continue to teach their children at home during the week.

Advanced Planning

  • Learning goals
  • Calendar
  • Special events (VBS, Backyard Adventure Camps, Operation Christmas Child, Outreach projects, Retreats, Camps, Miss Patty Cake, Go Fish Guys, School Supply Drive, etc.)

Recruiting

  • Who, When, Where: What the process? Is it in writing?
  • How are we actively recruiting new volunteers?

Security

  • Name badges
  • T-shirts (a different color for a given week)
  • Written policy that is pertinent to your location and ministry setting (i.e. what is the plan is a child wanders away?) https://drewboswell.com/happy-mothers-day-two-days-late

Check-In and Check-Out

Goals For the Calendar Year

  • Every year seek to make your ministry better than then the last. Set some goals for improvement, and then establish a plan to make them happen.

Training

  • Late Summer Orientation (setting the vision for the new school year) and equipping new volunteers.
  • Winter Training (use the slow time of the winter to reenergize the troops and to give them invaluable skills to be a better minister to children).

Facility Management

Follow Up

  • Guests
  • Irregular attendance
  • Birthdays
  • Recitals, special events

Volunteer Encouragement

  • Weekly thank yous
  • Annual Banquet

Identify the Mission, Vision, and Values for the ministry

Website/Brochure/logo development

  • Mascot?

How will the children develop relationships? (with their teachers, helpers, friends in the classroom)

Evaluation

  • How do we know how we are doing?
  • How do we know what children know?
  • How do we know what they are doing?
  • Are they exhibiting a Christian lifestyle?
  • How do we know that their hearts are being changed?
  • How is the ministry going as a whole? In individual departments?

14. Budgeting (What should you budget for?)

  1. Curriculum
  2. Camps
  3. Kidology.org membership (online web site memberships)
  4. Subscription to professional publications (Children’s Ministry Magazine, etc.)
  5. Mentoring/training/coaching
  6. Leadership recognition (Nov-Dec)
  7. Outreach events (Spring-Summer)
  8. Children’s Retreat (Fall)
  9. Teacher Training (Winter)
  10. Supplies
  11. Administrative (i.e. background checks)
  12. Printing
    1. i.     Manual (orientation)
    2. ii.     Name badges/lanyard
    3. iii.     Diaper bag tags
  13. Teacher/volunteer orientation (Late Summer)
  14. “Adventure” books – How are we going to encourage them to exhibit certain Christian lifestyle habits?
  15. Logo development/website
  16. Offering goals – to go toward a missions effort (Compassion Child)
  17. Children’s Worship/Sunday School – equipment/sound, set, costumes, etc…

 

“Where Are We Going?” Vision and the Leader (Part One)

I.         Defining Vision

A vision is a picture of the future of how the purpose or mission of the church is lived out in a particular community.  It is grounded in deep insight into people, the church, and God’s Word.

There is a difference between a vision and goals and objectives.  Goals and objectives are cold, abstract things that do not warm the heart.  Vision, however, is warm and has the potential to melt and motivate the heart. People are able to see how they play apart in the vision.

There is a difference between mission and vision.  A mission is what all churches or organizations are supposed to be doing, whereas a vision is a snapshot or picture of a specific church’s future. The mission comes from the head, the vision comes form the heart. A vision must be God’s vision and it is gleaned from Scripture.

So for our purposes, let’s define vision as “a clear mental image of a preferable future imparted by God to His chosen servants and is based upon an accurate understanding of God, self and circumstances.”

II.         How Vision Affects the Leader and the Church

David Goetz writes, “In Leadership’s study, pastors indicated that conflicting visions for the church was their greatest source of tension and the top reason they were terminated or forced to resign.” If there are competing visions for where the church or organization “should” be headed, there will inevitably be conflict. Again, vision involves the heart, and people are personally invested in the church.

A.            Vision Encourages Unity

When a ministry has a shared vision it changes how people relate to each other.  The language that people use goes from being “their” church to “our” church. It acts as a signal of where the ministry is going.  It effectively says that if you want to go where we are going then “get on board.”

1 Corinthians 12:20-22 “As it is, there are many parts, but one body.  The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable,. . .”

Ephesians 4:15-16 “Instead speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is Christ.  From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.”

Another form of unity that vision fosters is recruitment and retention in various ministries.  A ministry can present its’ clear vision and direction to potential volunteers and the people can then make up in their own minds if this vision matches their own understanding, gifts, and talents.

Also if a vision is shared with new people or guests of a church they can determine if this is something they would like to be apart of or not and make an informed decision.

In a ministry it is best if you have a wide variety of personalities and gifting that may be different for the leader.  In order for the ministry to be efficient and effective with all of these differences among individuals, all must hold a common vision.  Each person can appreciate and value the differences in others while working together toward the vision.

B.            Vision Encourages Forward Movement

Vision gets people moving.  Many times people get caught up in the business of their daily lives.  The mundane becomes the priority.  Nehemiah 1:3 “They said to me, “Those who survived the exile and are back in the providence and are in great trouble and disgrace.  The wall of Jerusalem is broken down, and its gates have been burned with fire.” God gave Nehemiah a vision of rebuilding the walls and it drove him to action.  Vision, that is felt by the heart, drives people to take action which moves the church forward.

C.            Vision Gives Purpose to Ministry

People begin to understand that they are apart of something great that God is doing through their church and through them.  They begin to see their ministry as important and as having an impact on the community and even the world. It is the difference between the response of a person when asked “What do you do?” and they respond “I am just a teacher,” with “What do you do?” and they respond “I am changing the life course of children who will accomplish great things for Christ.”

D.            Vision Fosters Risk Taking

When the pastor casts a vision everyone knows what needs to be done.  Ministry then becomes an adventure because often times we know what needs to be done but we are not sure how it will be done.  Different methods are tried out and experimented with, people are encouraged to step out of their comfort zones to accomplish things greater than themselves or things that they never thought possible before.

Sometimes these things work and sometimes they don’t but the vision drives ministries toward the common goal.  People take risks in groups because the vision is worth the risk, and must be accomplished.

E.            Vision Encourages People to Follow

The leader, by casting a vision, is giving the people a glimpse into the future and how their lives can be changed and how others lives will changed by their being apart of this vision. People want to follow people who know the way, and they want their lives to be of significance. They want to follow people who can see where they are going.

Kouzes and Posner explain this as a driver driving in a fog bank.  When we drive into fog we slow down because we can’t see where we are going.  A vision then allows people to see what is up ahead, or down the road. The vision enables the organization to navigate through very treacherous terrain.

Everyone sees the mist but the leader can see the turns in the road and the town that is ahead.  In Nehemiah 2:5 King Artaxerxes heard Nehemiah’s vision and wanted to help him rebuild the walls by providing the various needs of the project.  The lost world will even listen to a godly leader who shows vision.

F.            Vision Improves Ministry Performance

As the leader paints a picture of the future, people begin to see themselves in the portrait.  In order for the vision to be accomplished or lived out people have to evaluate where they are now as far as ministry accomplishments, quality, and effectiveness.  The person also has to plan what the next step might be for the ministry to step into this vision.  Vision encourages people to evaluate their ministry and to seek improvement.

Whatever an organization does must constantly be evaluated through the lens of its vision.  They have to ask themselves “Why are we doing, what we are doing?”  Vision answers this question.

*this is part one of a three part series.

Click here to read part two.

Click here to read part three.

What Can Sesame Street and Mr. Rogers Teach Us?

Have you ever wondered why Sesame Street has lasted so long as a top children’s television show? There is a Sesame Street clothing line, Sesame Street toys, computer games, and many other recognizable Sesame Street icons all throughout American culture.

Another famous and long lasting children’s television show was Mr. Roger’s neighborhood. Whereas Sesame Street is loud, past paced, and introduces new technology as it is developed, Mr. Roger’s neighborhood changed very little over the years proceeding Fred Roger’s death. Mr. Roger’s neighborhood used the same hand puppets that were first used when the show began. The show followed the same flow over the years, with the famous changing of the shoes and sweater, to the trolley going to the magical world of the neighborhood of Make-believe. It was slow and often a monotone monologue with Mr. Rogers. Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood did not have the marketing arm as Sesame Street had yet there it was day after day for children and their families.

I believe that it was not flash, technology, or marketing that made these shows a success. Instead it was the laser focus on their purpose and goal of the two shows. For Sesame Street, their goal is to teach children the letters of the alphabet, and for the children to be able to count to twenty. (That’s it) They sought to appeal to the mind. Mr. Roger’s sought to appeal to the heart. He sought to show and tell children that he loved them, they are of great value, and that he wanted them to become apart of his world. He wanted to give them a world where things were quiet, predictable, and slow paced. And children loved him for it; they wanted “to be his neighbor.”

In comparison to the previous successful children’s organizations would be the decline and seeming failure of the U.S. government’s Head Start program.[1] From its inception in the 1960s, the founders conceived of Head Start as much more than an educational program. The health, nutrition, motivation, and self-confidence of poor children were deemed to be at least as important to their future well-being as their academic learning. Another feature present from the beginning was Head Start’s rule that parents be involved in running each local program. A rationale for that principle: building parent’s self-esteem would help develop their children’s.

In short, Head Start has not been primarily an academic program.[2] Instead of staying focused on teaching academic facts, they allowed this one admirable goal to be encroached by other goals and objectives. By allowing themselves to become sidetracked they are not reaching their ultimate and most important objective, the children’s ability to be successful in future educational excellence. Head Start believes that by helping children get a solid educational foundation, when they are young, they will be far more likely to do well in later schooling. However, instead of giving them the essential academic information needed, they have become side tracked with issues like self-esteem and nutrition.

If we are to make it over the long run, we must not allow ourselves to become sidetracked from our ultimate purpose as a church. Matthew 28:19-20 tells us the Great Commission of the church, “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age. (NIV)” This is God’s instruction for what the church is to be doing. Every action taken by the church should be compared with this passage as the standard.

[1] Head Start is a Federal program for preschool children from low-income families. The Head Start program is operated by local non-profit organizations in almost every county in the country. Children who attend Head Start participate in a variety of educational activities. They also receive free medical and dental care, have healthy meals and snacks, and enjoy playing indoors and outdoors in a safe setting.
[2] E.D. Hirsch. The Schools We Need (New York, New York: Doubleday), 46.

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