Drew Boswell

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Should Your Child Be A Gardener or A Soldier? Defending Your Child’s Sense of Self-Worth

Be a Strength-Based Parent - Mindful

“It is better to be a warrior tending to his garden than a gardener in a war.”

The basic idea of this quote is that it is better to be prepared for life’s circumstances and its’ difficulties, than to be thrust into an experience that you have no training or preparation for. The motto of Boy Scouts is “be prepared.” But prepared for what? How can you one possibly be prepared for every possible scenario one may encounter? There are some life topics that demand our attention, while others, while important, are not the same in gravity. To return to our quote, if there is a possibility of having to fight, then one needs to know how to engage in battle, and that possibility outweighs knowing how to grow plants.  So, what information should one focus on? How do we know if we should be preparing for battle versus pruning gardenias?

The Soldier 

The warrior is one who is prepared for battle, is respected, even feared because of his ability to succeed in the world of battle, destruction, and chaos. This warrior then steps into a world of peace and order as he tends to his garden. There is always the potential for the chaotic soldier to return and to destroy. He is dangerous yet controlled.

Jesus said in Matthew 5:5 “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.” The word meek in this passage means, “power under control.” It was used in reference to a horse having a bridle in its’ mouth. The horse is incredibly powerful and has a huge amount of potential destructive capability, but it is led by a small bridle. But, the soldier leaves destruction in his wake.

The Gardener  

The Gardener on the other hand, knows peace, order, and how to cultivate growth. But when he is placed in a situation demanding power, he is ill equipped. The Gardener understands how to build up, start from nothing but soil and build a garden. He has the patience to wait as things mature. But, how can he protect his garden if he has no knowledge of battle? How can he protect himself and defend his brothers on the battlefield if his only knowledge is agriculture?

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Should Our Children Be Gardeners or Soldiers? 

So with our children; do we teach them to fight and defend, or do we teach them to build and develop? One is seen as strong, and the other as weak. One is seen as destructive, and the other as productive. The quote gives some indication of what the author thought, let’s look at it again:“It is better to be a warrior tending to his garden than a gardener in a war.”

The person of strength and destruction has stepped into and is working in an area of cultivation. The solider is growing and developing his world around him from a place of respect and fear. This position seems to be voluntary and sought after, because the garden is “his garden.”

While the “gardener in a war” seems to be in a place of defense and fighting that is out of his control. The person who knows how to control and cultivate his garden, now is powerless to control anything.

There are things about life that are difficult to talk about with our children. One of those things is that there will be people who will seek to destroy whatever you have built, simply because it’s there to tear down. Like bullies on the seashore stomping on sand castles, there will always be those who in an instant can pull down what took years to build with much skill and hard work.

Our life’s work is worth defending, and therefore, we need to equip our children to fight for what they put their hands to build. So, our children must be soldiers in their preparation, defense, and strength, and gardeners in that they are creatively building the world around them – making it into a beautiful garden. The bully must fear them enough to leave them alone, and they must resist the fear to stop building. The destroyer will get through the defenses from time to time, so they must have the strength to start the building anew, to begin again, and to plant the tender seedling once more.

While Nehemiah was trying to rebuild the walls around Jerusalem he encountered the threat of constant attack. He came to realize that the enemy must fear the people enough to stay back while they continued to build the walls. He showed strength by having the workers hold a weapon in one hand, and a trowel in the other.

Nehemiah 4:16 “From that day on, half of my servants worked on construction, and half held the spears, shields, bows, and coats of mail. And the leaders stood behind the whole house of Judah, 17 who were building on the wall. Those who carried burdens were loaded in such a way that each labored on the work with one hand and held his weapon with the other. 18 And each of the builders had his sword strapped at his side while he built.”

Nehemiah understood that the work he set his hand to do was important enough to be defended, and he took action to do so. The people were soldiers and gardeners at the same time. Perhaps, this is the real challenge to parenting – to find the balance between aggression and peace, battlefield and garden.

Vision: You’re Doing It Wrong. Three Common Mistakes Leaders Make Relating to Vision

Churches and businesses are drawing close to the time when they will begin to gather and open in groups once again. Pastors, staffs, and business owners are going to make decisions regarding reopening their doors and gather in groups. While they have gained new ways of doing things (Zoom meetings, social distancing, sanitizing, etc.) its’ natural tendency is to go back to “normal” — but they are in a day that their “old normal” just can not continue. Churches and businesses have to change, but it is the vision of the organization that will allow it move through these unknown and treacherous times.

Focusing on the issues and changes that need to be made will keep you away from the vision if you allow it, but one would do it to their own peril. The following are three things that many leaders get wrong — it is the vision that will allow them to navigate through these tough decisions.

1. Mistake#1 – Vision is Not About Fixing Problems.

Vision is not seeing perceived problems that need to be fixed and then designing a plan to fix those problems. Fixing problems is on the job description for a leader, but it is not vision. A skillful leader can fix problems all the day long but never show vision.

The leader who falls into this category is stuck in maintenance mode. Nehemiah did not fix the walls because they were broken. The broken walls changed how God’s people were living, so the walls had to be built so that people’s lives would be changed. When we are only about fixing problems we have actually lost sight of the vision. Casting vision and pushing it through the organization will cause all kinds of issues, it actually creates problems.

A good vision will allow people to clearly see where the organization is going, there will be people who don’t want to go on this trip, and others will want to get on the bus with you. But don’t expect it to be clean and neat, and that everyone will be happy.

2. Mistake #2 – Vision is Not a Group Project.

A vision can be shared, but it cannot be developed by the organization, it has to come from the leader. Visions spread and are adapted as they grow throughout an organization. They begin to take a life of their own in different ways, but it is a guiding force from the top of the organization.

The top leader has to constantly push the vision because it will get lost among the masses. The organization as a whole cannot push the vision forward without the main leader encouraging them to do so. God does not give multiple visions to multiple people, He gives one vision to the main leader. If He did there would be chaos.

This is not to say that counsel should not be sought after before developing a vision or even letting key leaders have input into the  process. Proverbs 15:22 says, “Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.” But once they have been heard and their advice taken into account, it is the main leader who sets the vision.

3. Mistake #3 – Vision Is Not ALL About Making Changes.

Beginning something new, ending something that is not working, or making changes, is not vision. Changes are tools that allow you reach or achieve the vision. You can change how you are structured, hire or fire employees, etc. but these are changes that make organizations healthy and stable. Once the organization is stable, healthy, etc. you still have to ask and answer the question “Why are we doing this?” and you have to have an answer (and ask it again, and again, and again, ad nauseam).

A Path Toward Making A Difference

A Path Toward Making A Difference
Nehemiah 1
Let’s go through the first chapter of Nehemiah as a quick devotion together.  First go ahead and read the text.
1:1 The words of Nehemiah the son of Hacaliah. Now it happened in the month of Chislev, in the twentieth year, as I was in Susa the capital, 2 that Hanani, one of my brothers, came with certain men from Judah. And I asked them concerning the Jews who escaped, who had survived the exile, and concerning Jerusalem. 3 And they said to me, “The remnant there in the province who had survived the exile is in great trouble and shame. The wall of Jerusalem is broken down, and its gates are destroyed by fire.” 4 As soon as I heard these words I sat down and wept and mourned for days, and I continued fasting and praying before the God of heaven. 5 And I said, “O Lord God of heaven, the great and awesome God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments, 6 let your ear be attentive and your eyes open, to hear the prayer of your servant that I now pray before you day and night for the people of Israel your servants, confessing the sins of the people of Israel, which we have sinned against you. Even I and my father’s house have sinned. 7 We have acted very corruptly against you and have not kept the commandments, the statutes, and the rules that you commanded your servant Moses. 8 Remember the word that you commanded your servant Moses, saying, ‘If you are unfaithful, I will scatter you among the peoples, 9 but if you return to me and keep my commandments and do them, though your outcasts are in the uttermost parts of heaven, from there I will gather them and bring them to the place that I have chosen, to make my name dwell there.’ 10 They are your servants and your people, whom you have redeemed by your great power and by your strong hand. 11 O Lord, let your ear be attentive to the prayer of your servant, and to the prayer of your servants who delight to fear your name, and give success to your servant today, and grant him mercy in the sight of this man.” Now I was cupbearer to the king. (ESV)
Nehemiah receives word from his brothers that Jerusalem was destroyed, and his response was brokenness over its condition. But this was not a new occurrence; it had sat this way for over a hundred years.  His brothers bring him the news (again this was not “current events.”) and they also seem to upset – so our first question is why are they upset about something that has been that way for a long time and doesn’t really affect Nehemiah?
His response to the news is brokenness over the condition of the land, his own sin, and the sin of the people as a whole. He goes on to quote Scripture (vv.8-9) that says , if they turn from their sin their land could be restored and they could return. So what’s keeping the land in it’s current condition and their own exile was how they viewed their own sin.
He begins with consistent prayer, and the prayer is one of confession (v. 7).  He recognizes that his sin (and the sin of the people) have caused them to be “scattered” v.8.  He prays specifically for the meeting with the king.
So what do we see here? Nehemiah (and his brothers) is aware of his own sin and then repents. Then his eyes are opened to the spiritual condition of things around him. He can then “see” the condition of how the people are living, and it then breaks his heart.  So what keeps us “blind?” – our sin. When we deal with the sin in our lives, we are then able to see the world in a different way.
What was the spiritual condition of Nehemiah’s brothers? They “see” the issue first, and they bring it to their brother’s attention. God then uses Nehemiah to lead an effort to rebuild the city (and it’s walls in 52 days!)
So let’s look at it graphically: (because I am a visual learner):
(1) Information Received (visit from family)
(2) Broken (made aware of his own and other’s sinful condition)
• Recognition of who God is (v. 5)
• Confession of sin – the condition of man (v.6)
• A trust/reliance upon God’s Word (v. 8)
(3) Praying in faith the truths from Scripture
(4) Development of a plan (over days of praying)
• Nehemiah’s plan begins by talking with the king about his condition and the condition of his people.
(5) The (first) meeting
• God works in the king’s heart to assist Nehemiah in the rebuilding project. It is always God’s heart to “rebuild” people’s lives and restore them to a proper relationship with Him. But we have to go through a process of dealing with our sin, and realizing that His ways are always best.
Big Idea from Chapter One: It is God in His grace that makes us aware of our sinful condition and the need for change. He promises us in His Word that if we change, he will put us back on a redemptive path (see Psalm 51, and Ezekiel 18). When we deal with sin our eyes will become open to things we have never “seen” or cared for before. When we pray and fast God will show us what to do. Then we step out in faith.
May God bless your journey with Him, step out and do something great today.
"For by grace you have been saved through faith." Ephesians 2:8

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